Too Many Interests & Not Enough Follow Through? Try This
Summary
TLDRIn this insightful video, Caren Mill, an ADHD coach and creator, addresses the common struggle of having too many interests without follow-through, a challenge often faced by adults with ADHD and multipotentialites. She explains that divergent thinkers, unlike linear thinkers, tend to jump from one idea to another, leading to a cycle of starting new projects without completing them. This behavior stems from an ingrained belief that one's current self is not enough, leading to a constant pursuit of self-improvement based on societal scorecards. To overcome this, Caren encourages embracing one's authentic interests and distinguishing them from obligations or societal expectations. She guides viewers to list their endeavors, discern between those driven by genuine interest and those by 'shoulds', and to make choices that align with their true selves. By doing so, individuals can experience a sense of peace, motivation, and enjoyment in their life's journey rather than feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to meet external standards.
Takeaways
- 🤔 Many people with ADHD or who are multipotentialites struggle with numerous interests and a lack of follow-through, which can lead to feelings of not reaching their potential.
- 💡 The issue often stems from being divergent thinkers, with brains that jump between many ideas, unlike neurotypical linear thinkers who can focus on one task to completion.
- 🧠 The ADHD brain's interest-driven nature may cause projects to be abandoned when interest wanes or when faced with challenges due to limiting beliefs or low dopamine levels.
- 🔄 The tendency to jump from one interest to another is fueled by an inherent belief that one's current self is not good enough, influenced by societal scorecards and expectations.
- 🌟 The key to overcoming this struggle is self-acceptance and understanding that the feeling of not being enough is a common human experience, not just an ADHD or multipotentialite issue.
- ✅ A practical exercise is to list activities undertaken with the aim of self-improvement and discern which were pursued out of genuine interest versus those driven by social expectations or obligations.
- 📝 By differentiating between authentic interests and imposed 'shoulds,' one can begin to align their actions more closely with their true self, leading to increased motivation and follow-through.
- 🚀 Choosing to pursue interests that are inherently appealing and aligned with one's values can lead to a more fulfilling and less stressful life, as opposed to those chosen out of obligation.
- 🔑 Recognizing that there is always a degree of choice within obligatory tasks allows for a more empowered mindset and the opportunity to make decisions that are more in line with one's authentic self.
- 🌱 Building the muscle of discernment is crucial for adults to have better control over their time, energy, and social engagements, leading to more effective and satisfying outcomes.
- ⛵️ Embracing one's authentic direction and enjoying the journey of life can replace the constant striving and feeling of inadequacy, promoting a more peaceful and enjoyable existence.
Q & A
What is the main challenge that people with ADHD and multipotentialites face according to the video?
-The main challenge is having too many interests and ideas but struggling with implementation and follow-through, leading to a cycle of starting new projects without completing them.
What is a Divergent thinker?
-A Divergent thinker is someone whose brain tends to go in many different directions at once, as opposed to a more linear way of thinking that focuses on one thing at a time.
Why do people with ADHD often feel like they are not reaching their potential?
-They often feel this way because they tend to jump from one interest to another without completing anything, which leads to a sense of not fulfilling their perceived potential.
What is the role of dopamine in the context of ADHD and task completion?
-Dopamine levels in the brain can affect motivation and the ability to take a project through to completion, especially when the task is no longer perceived as interesting.
What are some reasons that might cause someone to abandon a project before completion?
-Reasons include boredom, realizing it's not the right thing, wanting to do something else, or internal beliefs that prevent them from completing tasks, such as thinking they are never successful or never finish anything.
What does the speaker suggest as a solution to manage multiple interests and increase follow-through?
-The speaker suggests embracing the part of oneself that feels like it's not measuring up and learning to discern between interests driven by inherent desire and those driven by social expectations or obligations.
Why do people often feel not good enough or broken?
-This feeling often stems from societal scorecards and expectations that are imposed on individuals from a young age, leading to a belief that one must meet 100% of these standards to be considered successful or adequate.
How can someone determine if their striving is due to social expectations or their own authentic interests?
-By listing all the things they have done in the spirit of striving towards betterment, then distinguishing which of those actions were taken out of obligation or social scorecards versus those that were driven by their inherent interests.
What is the significance of choosing actions that align with one's authentic self?
-Choosing actions that align with one's authentic self can lead to increased motivation, interest, and energy, making it more likely for individuals to follow through and complete those tasks.
What is the importance of discernment in managing one's interests and commitments?
-Discernment helps individuals differentiate between commitments made out of obligation or social pressure and those that are a true reflection of their desires and identity, leading to more meaningful and fulfilling actions.
How can someone move towards their own version of potential?
-By understanding and acknowledging the societal scorecards that have influenced their perception of potential, and then making choices that are more aligned with their authentic self and inherent interests.
Outlines
🤔 Struggling with Ideas and Implementation
This paragraph discusses the common issue of having too many ideas without follow-through, leading to a cycle of starting new hobbies, interests, or projects only to abandon them partway. The speaker, Caren Mill, introduces herself as an ADHD coach and outlines that this problem is not only for those with ADHD but also for multipotentialites. It emphasizes the divergent thinking pattern of the ADHD brain, which contrasts with the more linear thinking of neurotypical individuals. The summary also touches on the challenges of maintaining interest and overcoming limiting beliefs, suggesting that embracing self-awareness could help in managing these multiple interests more effectively.
🧐 The Myth of Potential and Social Scorecards
The second paragraph delves into the societal pressures that contribute to the feeling of not being good enough. It talks about how from a young age, people are measured against various scorecards, leading to a belief that one must meet 100% of these expectations to be considered successful. This leads to a constant striving for improvement and a feeling of failure when these expectations are not met. The speaker suggests that recognizing and challenging these scorecards is essential. It also introduces the idea of accepting the part of oneself that feels inadequate as a step towards managing multiple interests and finding a more immediate solution rather than years of therapy.
📝 Discerning Between Authentic Interests and Social Obligations
The third paragraph provides a practical exercise to help differentiate between interests pursued out of genuine desire and those pursued due to social expectations or a sense of obligation. It encourages self-reflection by listing activities undertaken with the aim of self-improvement and then categorizing them based on whether they were chosen freely or out of obligation. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of aligning actions with one's authentic self to increase motivation and the likelihood of follow-through. It also acknowledges that while some obligations are unavoidable, there is always room for choice in how we approach them, and choosing in alignment with one's true self can lead to a more fulfilling life.
🌟 Embracing Authenticity and Enjoying the Journey
The final paragraph summarizes the key message of the video: embracing one's authentic self and enjoying the journey of life rather than constantly striving to meet unrealistic expectations. It encourages viewers to pause and reflect on the source of their striving, whether it stems from a place of inadequacy or a genuine desire for self-improvement. The speaker advises making commitments that are in alignment with one's true self and interests, which will naturally lead to a sense of peace and momentum. The paragraph concludes with a reminder that life is a journey without a specific destination, and the goal should be to enjoy the process rather than being preoccupied with reaching an unattainable ideal.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Implementation
💡Divergent thinkers
💡Neurotypical
💡Multipotentialites
💡Limiting beliefs
💡Authenticity
💡Scorecards
💡Dopamine levels
💡Neurodivergent
💡Overwhelm
💡Discernment
Highlights
The struggle with having too many ideas and little implementation is common among adult ADHDers and multipotentialites.
People with ADHD tend to be Divergent thinkers, with brains that go in many directions at once, unlike neurotypical linear thinkers.
The inability to complete tasks due to boredom, incorrect direction, or desire to do something else leads to a cycle of starting over.
ADHD coaching aims to help ambitious minds manage their multiple interests and achieve more control over their energy and life outcomes.
Interest-driven brains may lack the dopamine to complete projects once the initial interest wanes.
Limiting beliefs can cause individuals to abandon projects when they encounter difficulty, believing they are destined to fail.
Embracing one's inherent desire for multiple interests can help in aligning these interests with one's true self.
The majority of people seeking ADHD coaching express a feeling of not reaching their potential due to constant shifting between interests.
The belief that one is not good enough is often ingrained from societal scorecards applied from a young age.
Accepting oneself as a whole person can help in managing the chaos of multiple interests and commitments.
Discerning between actions taken out of social obligation and those aligned with one's authentic self is crucial for personal progress.
Creating a list of actions taken towards betterment can help identify which are driven by social expectations and which are inherently desired.
Choosing actions that feel natural and authentic leads to more motivation and energy, facilitating completion of tasks.
Even in obligatory areas of life, there is always room for choice, which can be made in alignment with one's true self.
Building the muscle of discernment is key to making better choices and following through with commitments.
Accepting oneself and focusing on authentic directions can lead to a more peaceful and enjoyable life journey.
The video aims to provide a deeper understanding of the issues faced by ADHDers and multipotentialites to help them move towards their own version of potential.
Transcripts
ah if you clicked on this video then it
is very likely that you have a struggle
with having too many ideas but very
little implementation or follow through
you probably have a lot of new hobbies
and interests and careers and
relationships but 25% down the line you
have a tendency to poop out and then
you're back at square one doing
something new and as a result you're
feeling like ah you're not Reaching Your
Potential and you're not really getting
anywhere in life and you're looking
around at every else and you feel very
behind so if any of that lands for you
then keep watching because in today's
video I'm going to walk through why this
happens specifically for adult adhders
and multipotentialites and more
importantly what we can do about it to
have more control over the things that
we're actually pouring our energy into
in life and that we can have better
outcomes overall but before we get into
it if today is the first time you are
landing here then welcome my name is
Caren Mill I an ADHD coaching Creator
and I'm here
for the busy ambitious brains who want
to do all of the things but they can't
because they want to do all of the
things I know you know what I'm talking
about right yeah I see you so let's
start with breaking down why this
happens and I'm going to start by
looking through the lens of an ADHD
person but let's also include
multipotentialites in there because I
don't think that this is solely an ADHD
problem but it tends to be far worse for
us so why is it that we have so many
interests from a neurological standpoint
we are Divergent thinkers that means
that our brain is often going in a
million different directions at once
however a neurotypical brain tends to be
a little bit more linear in the way they
think so they have an idea and then they
think about the next step and the next
step after that until they get to
whatever sort of outcome they want so
obviously there is a big benefit to
linear thinking in that you can focus on
one thing from start to completion and
get the satisfac of actually having
completed the thing so you can move on
to whatever comes next so it's very
obvious then why this becomes a problem
for Divergent thinkers because we have
one idea we go 25% in that direction and
we either stop because we get bored of
it or we realize it's not the right
thing or we want to do something else
and then we come back to ground zero and
start again with a new idea and we just
keep doing that over and over again
until we run out of space money time and
people who will put up with all of our
interest changes so at a high level
that's basically what's happening in the
ADHD brain and it is why we have a
tendency to jump around an awful lot now
there's other reasons for this obviously
like for example we have interest driven
brains which means we can only take a
project as far as it is interesting to
us and then at which point we may not
have the dopamine levels in our brain in
order to take it through to completion
or there might be limiting beliefs at
play which means we'll take a project to
a certain amount amount and then our
beliefs say well I never finish anything
anyways or I'm never successful at
anything so the minute something gets
hard we say ah I might as well give it
up right now and move on to the next
thing because this is never going to
work so there's a lot of things that are
happening under the hood of the ADHD
brain that makes us jump from thing to
thing but I believe if we can embrace
the idea I'm about to share with you
with a true sense of awareness of where
it's coming from I do think it will help
us rein in those multiple interests so
that they're more aligned to who we are
and we make a lot more progress going
further and I think it's also
interesting to point out that the
majority of people that seek out an ADHD
coach do so because they say they're not
reaching their potential and what that
really means is that they're constantly
jumping from thing to thing and never
seeing anything through to completion
which is what in their mind is
considered their potential so by the end
of this video I'm hoping that you have a
much broader and deeper understanding of
what's at play here here so that you can
actually move yourself towards your own
version of potential and hone in that
tendency to jump from thing to thing to
thing so let's get into it so I'm going
to cut to the chase right now and start
off with the real reason I think all of
us deal with this problem and that is we
have this inherent belief that who we
are right now is not good enough now
here me out when we are born and we're
just little babies there are very few
expectations of us right like getting
your diaper changed getting fed and
going to sleep but somewhere between the
ages of I would say 0 to 5 the world
starts applying scorecards to us and
therein lies the issue we are never
taught at any point throughout our life
to decide whether or not we want to be
measured by a specific scorecard we just
assume that all of the scorecards are
relevant to us and we have to hit 100%
at all of them which is physically
mentally and realistically impossible
and there therefore we are somehow not
enough or broken or not reaching our
potential and our potential is us
meeting 100% of some random scorecard
that we didn't choose for ourselves
Society put upon us so when a client
comes to me and tells me that they're
not living up to their potential my
first question to them is what potential
based on Whose scorecard and in what
area of life like specifically tell me
where you're fall short of your own
potential there are so many scorecards
out there that we are measuring
ourselves against whether we realize it
or not that we can't pin point where
we're specifically falling short it's
just a globalized feeling of falling
behind or being a failure or somehow
being broken what happens to a person
who fundamentally believes that they are
broken or in somehow wrong or bad well
the first thing they're going to do is
to continue to strive to improve
themselves and try and rid themselves of
that feeling and sometimes that's a good
thing when there's something we want to
do and we don't feel like we have the
appropriate skills or education to do it
it's great to try and improve yourself
in that direction but what if you have a
million different interests and you're
going in a million different directions
it becomes very difficult to pinpoint
where you should put your focus or
energy and also you have no idea what
Reaching Your Potential looks like in
any of those directions there's too much
right so it creates a feeling of
helplessness that you see that you're
broken you can see where you're falling
short of everybody else but you have no
idea how to fix it I know you feel this
way because I hear it from my clients
all the time and I felt this way myself
too so what do we do about it well you
can definitely go to therapy and spend
years and years trying to reverse these
deeply socialized beliefs about yourself
or if you want a more immediate solution
to help you manage all of these
different interests is to Simply accept
that this part of yourself exists there
is a part of yourself that has been
socialized to believe that it's not
measuring up and it's not just you we
all feel that way we are all measured
against scorecards where we don't feel
like we're enough regardless of whether
you're neurod divergent or neurotypical
it doesn't matter we all feel that way
so if we can Embrace this part of our
Human Condition then at least we can
accept why we have been trying to do so
many things all of these years that we
have been driving in a million different
directions just trying to rid ourselves
of that feeling and accept that if it
hasn't worked so far then whatever we're
doing to date is not working and we need
a new approach and what I'm going to
give you in terms of a new approach is
going to feel very uncomfortable if you
are a Divergent thinker and you have a
million thoughts and a million
aspirations all at once I want to tell
you that it's okay if that is part of
your nature it is okay to want more than
one thing
the problem we get into is that some of
the things that we think about or go
after are things that we really want to
do and another portion of the things
that we go after are based on shs
obligations and imposed social
scorecards that other people are putting
on us and the true work for you that's
going to transform the chaos you have in
your life is to learn how to discern the
difference between those two things the
things that you want to go after because
of inherent interest and the shoulds and
the obligations and the scorecards so
that is a very broad statement let's
bring it down to a tactical area grab a
piece of pen and paper pick an area of
your life where you feel like you are
not measuring up or you're not Reaching
Your Potential or you feel like you're
somewhat inherently not good enough and
that can be home life family friends
work health wealth put whatever area you
have decided upon at the top of your
paper and then what I want you to do is
take a minute to write a list of all of
the things that you've done in the
spirit of striving towards betterment in
this area what have you signed up for
what have you bought what have you
promised and not delivered on what have
you committed to but not followed
through with list all of the things that
you have done and take a few minutes and
really rack your brain on this one and
feel free to pause the video in order to
give yourself some time to think about
this look at your list and ask yourself
of all of the things that I have done on
this list
what have I done because of social
expectations or scorecards or because I
felt like I should or because I felt
obligated to and just make a check mark
beside each of those things that apply
to that question now I want you to go
back through that list with this
question in mind of all of these things
that I've done what did I do because I
truly wanted to do and by that I mean
either you had a desire to do it or it
felt easeful or it felt align to who you
are like it just felt like something you
thought was the best way to go even if
it wasn't a popular opinion go ahead and
circle all of the things that you've
done that felt authentic to you now that
you're done I want you to look at that
list how many of the things that you did
have a circle around them meaning
they're the things that you wanted to do
or felt most aligned with you versus how
many things have you tried that have a
little check mark that indicates that
you did it because it was either an
obligation or you you feel like you
should do it this list right here is
actually the only scorecard you ever
need to measure yourself against in your
life and that scorecard will tell you
how much you are operating from a place
of shoulds commitments or social
scorecards versus operating from your
authentic self your intuition your gut
sense your instincts and who you really
are as a person and the more you can
discern between the two of those and
choose in the direction of what feels
natural authentic and true to you versus
obligations shoulds and social
scorecards the more you are going to
manage this chaos of picking up new
things all the time and not being able
to follow through with them why the more
you are able to choose in a direction of
authenticity the more your interest
driven nervous system is going to be in
alignment with that path the more
dopamine you're going to have the more
interest and energy you're going to have
and the more motivation you're going to
have to follow through and complete
whatever it is you've started everything
in that direction is going to make your
life more easeful everything you choose
out of obligation or should is going to
feel harder you're going to
procrastinate more it's going to be
pushing a boulder up a heel again and
again and again and the less likely you
are to follow through and I know you're
thinking but Karen there are things in
my life I just have to do that are in
this category absolutely you have to pay
your taxes or you'll go to jail you have
to go to work or you'll lose your job
however within all of those categories
where you feel morally or legally
obligated to do them there's always
choice for example you get to choose the
career you want to go after if you
choose a career based on social status
it is going to be a slog the entire time
if you choose a career based on natural
interests and the way you like to work
it's going to be much easeful everything
in life that you are obligated to do or
else you'll go to jail still has so much
Choice within it yes you have to pay
your taxes but you have the choice as to
whether or not you do them yourself yes
you need to have a roof over your head
but you get to choose where it is what
it looks like whether you own it or rent
it or share it with a bunch of people
everything in life that is an obligation
still comes with a myriad of choice and
that is the privilege of living in a
first world country I recognize that not
everybody watching this video will have
full autonomy in this area but there is
so much choice and if you do not believe
that you have Choice even in the things
that you're obligated to do then that is
coming from a victim mindset and it is a
very limited view of the world there are
infinite choices for all of us at any
point in life all you have to do is
build that muscle of discernment is this
what I want to do because it inherently
Curr L feels aligned to who I am or am I
doing this out of a perceived obligation
or to meet some sort of social standard
as adults we absolutely have control
over how we spend our time money energy
and who we spend all of that with not
100% of the time that's for sure but for
a large majority of us we have the
ability to make choices and the more you
choose in alignment with who you are the
better choices you will make the less
choices you will make because you will
follow through with things more often so
to wrap up if you are feeling that sense
of chaos and overwhelm because you have
way too many interests and commitments
and hobbies and all of these things and
yet you can't seem to move forward on
any of them pause and ask yourself where
is the striving coming from am I
inherently operating from a place of not
feeling enough like I need to improve
myself in some way or can I accept that
I am a whole person just as I am and the
ding part of my personality may always
be there but I don't need to let it run
the show and then make a commitment to
yourself to go through all of the
chaotic areas of your life and do that
exercise of defining what is in
alignment to who you really truly are
and what you want versus everything else
and trust me on this the more you move
in that inherent authentic Direction the
more you will feel a momentum of peace
in your life and over time you might
realize that the feeling of striving and
trying to fix yourself starts to recede
and what it's replaced with is an
enjoyment of the Journey of life because
that's all this really is there is no
destination for any of us other than
death so you might as well enjoy the
journey as you're going so that is what
I've got for you today I hope that that
landed for you in some way and thanks
for watching I'll see you in the next
video bye for now
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