The problem between men and women in Japan

Summary

The video explores the cultural and personal perspectives on the expectation of 'treating' others, particularly in terms of gender dynamics. The speaker argues that offering to pay for someone else should be an expression of affection, not an obligation or expectation, especially in early relationships. They reflect on the historical roots of the idea that men should pay for women, and critique its persistence in modern times. The speaker invites a broader discussion on how these practices are perceived both in Japan and internationally, challenging the notion of gendered financial expectations.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker believes that paying for someone else's meal is an act of affection, especially for close family and friends, but not necessarily for those with whom they have a shallow relationship.
• 😀 They question the expectation that men should always pay for women in social situations, linking it to traditional gender roles and patriarchy.
• 😀 The speaker argues that expecting someone to treat you without offering anything in return can be burdensome and is not aligned with mutual respect.
• 😀 They believe that people should split costs or contribute based on mutual respect and understanding, as is common among same-gender friends.
• 😀 The speaker dislikes the term '奢る' (to treat someone) because it has negative connotations of arrogance and displays of wealth, not kindness or generosity.
• 😀 They suggest that the practice of men paying for women originated from patriarchal views, where men were seen as superior and thus expected to cover costs for women.
• 😀 The speaker acknowledges that some women enjoy being treated, but they believe this is a result of historical conditioning rather than an inherent need.
• 😀 They argue that when a person is treated to a meal, they often feel the need to reciprocate, which can create emotional or financial burdens.
• 😀 The speaker points out that they are more likely to treat someone to a meal when they have had a meaningful conversation or experienced a great time together, not when the relationship is new or superficial.
• 😀 They emphasize that the decision to treat someone should not be based on expectations or gender, but on genuine care or affection toward the other person.

Q & A

Why does the speaker think paying for someone else's meal is an act of affection?

The speaker believes that paying for someone else's meal, especially for close family, friends, or those they have been helped by, is a way to show affection. It's seen as a gesture of care and appreciation.

What is the speaker's stance on expecting others to pay for them?

The speaker does not understand or agree with the idea that people should expect others to pay for them, especially in the early stages of a relationship. They view it as unreasonable to demand such treatment without a deeper, affectionate bond.

What is the speaker's opinion on the idea that men should pay for everything in relationships?

The speaker challenges the expectation that men should always pay in relationships, citing it as rooted in outdated gender roles and the concept of 'male pride.' They feel that these expectations are no longer necessary in modern society.

How does the speaker feel about the term '奢る' (ogoru) in Japanese?

The speaker expresses a negative view of the term '奢る' (ogoru), as it historically carried connotations of arrogance or self-importance. They suggest it is better to say 'I'll pay for this' instead of 'I'll treat you.'

What does the speaker mean by the idea that 'people should pay for their own share' in the context of friendships?

The speaker suggests that when friends of the same gender go out together, it's expected that each person pays for their own share, highlighting that this is a fair and balanced approach to social interactions.

Why does the speaker question the notion that women should be treated because they spend money on beauty and fashion?

The speaker disagrees with the idea that women should be treated or have their meals paid for because they spend money on their appearance, stating that investing in one's own look is a personal choice and shouldn't come with expectations for others to pay.

What are the three main points the speaker raises about paying for meals?

The speaker raises three main points: 1) People should pay for their own meals, 2) The assumption that one should always be treated reflects a lack of respect, and 3) It's uncomfortable to dine with people who do not want to pay their share.

What historical context does the speaker mention regarding the tradition of men paying for meals?

The speaker explains that the tradition of men paying for meals originated from the concept of 'male pride' during a time when men were expected to be the dominant gender. It was tied to societal ideas about men being in a higher social position than women.

How does the speaker suggest people approach the idea of paying for others in relationships?

The speaker suggests that paying for someone else should be based on genuine affection and mutual understanding. They believe that one should not demand others to pay, but instead, should only offer to pay for someone if they genuinely want to show appreciation or care.

What does the speaker mean when they say 'If you want to be treated, you should first want to treat others'?

The speaker believes that if someone expects others to treat them, they should first be willing to treat others themselves. This attitude fosters mutual respect and understanding in relationships.