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Summary
TLDRIn this inspiring narrative, the speaker reflects on their personal journey from struggling with self-destructive behaviors during sixth form, to failing A-levels, and feeling lost after university. They recount their initial foray into the art world, followed by a transformative period of self-discovery and growth through writing and spiritual mentorship. The speaker emphasizes the importance of investing in oneself, embracing fear, and prioritizing personal well-being to cultivate a fulfilling life. They conclude by expressing gratitude for the changes that have led to newfound happiness and purpose.
Takeaways
- 🌟 The speaker's journey began with a realization of their own path, inspired by an authentic YouTuber.
- 🏫 A shift from a nurturing secondary school to a sixth form with a different social dynamic led to self-destructive behaviors.
- 📚 The choice of difficult A-level subjects and dropping out of hobbies for harmful activities resulted in academic failure.
- 💔 A period of apathy and a destructive path was initiated, questioning the purpose of life.
- 🎓 Despite poor A-level results, the speaker's mother encouraged university education, leading to a study in fashion.
- 👗 The study of fashion did not inspire the speaker and left them feeling directionless post-graduation.
- 🔍 A disheartening job search led to a realization of needing to find personal direction and purpose.
- 📚 Reading 'The Artist's Way' and daily writing exercises helped process emotions and improve mental state.
- 🌱 Investing in personal growth through mentoring led to significant life changes and a shift in energy.
- 📈 Learning to embrace fear and say 'no' to temporary pleasures in favor of long-term fulfillment.
- 🙏 Prioritizing self and personal growth over external influences has led to a more fulfilling and purposeful life.
Q & A
What was the speaker's initial experience at sixth form?
-The speaker initially found sixth form challenging and different from their secondary school experience. They fell into friendships that led them towards self-destructive behaviors and neglected their studies.
Why did the speaker switch from history to sociology?
-The speaker switched from history to sociology after a week because they found the topics being discussed in history class boring.
How did the speaker's attitude towards education change during sixth form?
-The speaker's attitude towards education changed significantly during sixth form, as they began to prioritize socializing and engaging in self-destructive behaviors over studying.
What was the turning point that led the speaker to fail their A-levels?
-The turning point that led the speaker to fail their A-levels was their decision to prioritize going out and smoking over studying, which resulted in them not revising for their biology exam.
Why did the speaker choose to study fashion at university?
-The speaker chose to study fashion at university because they loved the creativity behind it and were inspired by fashion.
How did the speaker feel about fashion after completing their studies?
-After completing their studies in fashion, the speaker felt uninspired and did not want to work in the fashion industry.
What was the most disheartening experience the speaker faced after university?
-The most disheartening experience the speaker faced after university was the job search process, which left them feeling lost and hopeless.
What led the speaker to start working at an art gallery?
-The speaker started working at an art gallery after losing hope in their life and considering a career in art, which they thought was more intellectual and cultural.
How did the speaker's life change after investing in a mentoring process?
-After investing in a mentoring process, the speaker's life changed dramatically. They let go of drinking, started posting YouTube videos, and began to prioritize their own well-being and happiness.
What daily practice did the speaker adopt to process emotions and improve mental health?
-The speaker adopted the daily practice of writing three pages of uncensored, conscious stream of thought every morning to process emotions and improve mental health.
How does the speaker describe their current relationship with fear?
-The speaker describes their current relationship with fear as one where they invite it in, understand it, and use it as a temporary feeling to grow and build confidence.
What realization did the speaker come to about living through other people?
-The speaker realized that they had been living through other people's expectations and ideas, but have now shifted to prioritizing their own feelings and desires in life.
Outlines
🌱 Journey to Self-Discovery
The speaker begins by sharing their journey into self-discovery, inspired by an authentic YouTuber. They recount their educational path, starting from a secondary school where they felt confident and enjoyed their time, to a sixth form where they chose difficult subjects based on societal pressure. However, they quickly became disenchanted with their choices, dropped out of history, switched to sociology, and fell into self-destructive behaviors influenced by their new social circle. This led to a failure in their A-levels and a period of apathy towards life. Despite this, their mother encouraged them to attend university, where they studied fashion but ended up feeling uninspired and lost after graduation.
🎨 The Search for Purpose
After university, the speaker faced the daunting task of figuring out their life's direction without the structure of academia. Initially considering a career in fashion, they pivoted to art, drawn to the intellectual and cultural aspects as well as the emotional expressiveness of artists. They took a job at an art gallery, aspiring to become a manager, but felt directionless. Their interest in art was more about the artists themselves than the art. They explored various career paths within the art world, such as becoming an art consultant, but felt increasingly lost and confused until they discovered the practice of writing as a form of emotional processing and daily creation.
🔄 Transformation Through Mentorship
The speaker's life took a significant turn when they invested in a mentoring process with a spiritual teacher named Fabian. This decision led to a complete transformation, as they let go of drinking and overhauled their daily life, embracing activities like posting YouTube videos. Initially, they struggled with fear and anxiety, but learned to breathe through these emotions and invite them in to understand and overcome them. This newfound confidence allowed them to become a different person, replacing low-vibrational habits with more aligned ones, and waking up excited for each day.
🧘♂️ Prioritizing Personal Growth
The speaker emphasizes the importance of prioritizing personal growth and health, both physical and emotional. They've become addicted to the momentum of self-improvement, recognizing that growth is not linear and involves ups and downs. They've learned to say no to temporary pleasures and yes to activities that lead to long-term fulfillment. The speaker also discusses the realization that they had been living through the expectations of others and are now making choices based on their own intuition and desires, leading to a life that feels more authentic and fulfilling.
🙏 Gratitude and Spiritual Connection
In the final paragraph, the speaker expresses gratitude for the positive changes in their life, attributing them not to their own ego but to a higher power. They reflect on the idea that taking steps towards a spiritual connection can lead to profound life changes. The speaker concludes by expressing gratitude for the journey and the realizations they've had, indicating a sense of peace and purpose.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Journey
💡Authenticity
💡Self-destructive behaviors
💡Prioritizing
💡Apathy
💡Mentoring
💡Emotional intelligence
💡Fear
💡Investing in oneself
💡Living through others
💡Vulnerability
Highlights
The speaker shares their journey from a challenging past to personal growth.
They were inspired by an authentic YouTuber who talks about his journey.
The speaker discusses the importance of being true to oneself.
They describe their experience in secondary school and how it shaped their confidence.
The decision to follow a girlfriend to a sixth form led to a challenging academic path.
The struggle with self-destructive behaviors and the impact on academic performance.
The realization of the need to prioritize personal well-being over destructive habits.
The pressure to attend university despite poor A-level results.
The pursuit of a fashion degree and the subsequent loss of passion for the field.
The disheartening job search process post-university.
The exploration of a career in art and the realization of a deeper interest in artists.
The transformative power of writing as a form of emotional processing.
The impact of a spiritual mentor on personal transformation.
The decision to invest in personal growth and the positive changes that followed.
The process of overcoming fear and embracing vulnerability.
The shift from living through others' expectations to living authentically.
The importance of prioritizing personal health and well-being.
The concept of growth as a non-linear process with ups and downs.
The realization that life should be lived for oneself, not through the expectations of others.
The gratitude for the changes brought about by personal development.
Transcripts
hello good morning it's morning
here I um intuitively feel like I want
to talk about my
journey my journey into getting to where
I am
now
and yeah I came across this guy's
YouTube he's uh he's younger and it's
very inspiring cuz like he talks so
authentically about his journey he it
doesn't feel like he's trying to be
anybody else but himself and there's
something
very there's something very like oh I
want to listen to this it's very
human so I will Begin by starting where
it all sort of went wrong and then to
where I got to now
uh I went to a sixth form after having
gone to a secondary school uh which
was which was
very the secondary school was like this
International School was a very
beautiful place for myself I I I enjoyed
it I fit I fit in I fited
in I felt confident there and yeah I
felt confident within my social
groups and I left
and followed where my girlfriend went at
the time to six form and I picked three
very difficult subjects for a levels
because I was told that you had to pick
three difficult subjects in order to
succeed in life so I picked history and
biology and
psychology and I dropped history after a
week because I thought um I remember
they were talking about Mormons
and Anglo Saxons or something and then I
was just like no I'm out this is boring
so I switched it to
sociology and um so I went there and I
found myself sort of falling into
friendships um naturally the friendships
were different to the ones that I had in
secondary
school as I sort of like talk about this
I I'm I'm aware that I don't want to
blame
anybody but but myself for the uh for
the actions that I sort of chose but
um there were types of people at that
six form
which indulged into self-destructive
behaviors which I hadn't come across
before and the susceptible being that I
am I
just that all seemed way more attractive
than
studying I wasn't exposed to it before
so I just I came across all of that and
then I just thought yeah I'm going to do
that instead of study basically and I
dropped all my hobbies um I used to play
sports and I stopped playing sports and
I switched it for going out and smoking
basically which is a uh a very pivotal
point in my life um as I began to
prioritize those stuff I began to un
prioritize
studying and it led me to fail my a
levels quite badly uh I got a u in my
biology I didn't revise for my biology
exam and um I was just sat there in the
exam
like smacking my pen up and down and the
invigilator was looking at me like is
this guy like okay like in a biology
exam and um yeah at that point I just
stopped caring about life uh in the most
destructive way
possible I sort of just thought what's
the point sort of thing like going out
that's more
fun so as you can imagine I got LED down
a very destructive
path
and um
I think
because of the generation that my mom
grew up in um she was like Alex you
should go to university regardless even
though you didn't do well um and I was
like well what am I going to do and not
to put fashion down but I was like well
I'm going to study fashion um cuz I love
fashion I've always loved the creativity
behind it so I thought I'd study it and
I studied it and I I came out of it just
as uninspired as I as I went
in I left not wanting to
um not wanting
[Music]
to not wanting to uh work in
fashion and
then this came the point of um sort
of so like a turning
point when I left uni uh I left
University and uh I was hit with the
dread of I now need to figure out what's
going on in my life I'm no longer an
autopilot my life isn't set out for me I
um I don't I don't just go to university
and get get told what to do I now have
to figure out what I want to do and the
job search process was the most
disheartening thing I've ever done in my
life
um so much so that I literally I just
thought well yeah I I I I switched ideas
I was like okay I don't want to work in
fashion maybe I want to work in art
because art
has it felt like it was more
intellectual and more
cultural and it had like elements of
Psych
ology well and truly all the the the
whole time I was actually just
interested in artists uh rather than art
in
general I got um I've spoken about this
before that I'm just attracted to
artists because they are emotionally
expressive and vulnerable
people and I can relate to
that uh so I I always fitted in in those
types of circles of like creative type
people like those types of creative I
know that that's not the only type of
creativity you can be a problem solver
creative person
but
um yeah that that part of my life I was
completely
hopeless um I completely lost Hope For
My
Life um I sort of thought what is the
point in at
all uh I was completely apathetic of
everything
and yeah I was working I was working at
The Gallery at the art gallery I finally
I finally got a job and it was at an art
gallery and at first I was enjoying
it and I was working towards like being
a manager there and all that stuff
but
truthfully I was just lost uh and I was
just getting off on the fact that I was
just around creative
people um and then I went through a
phase
where so like I was learning all about
art I was like learning and revising it
and and I thought okay I'm I'm going to
be an art consultant or an art dealer or
a creator
that was the plan the plan from the mind
this is what my mind came up with um and
the more and more I did it the more I
sort of felt like lost and confused and
like what am I
doing um and then I sort of switched
from that into sort of like reading
books about how to be an
artist and that was a lot more
inspiring than anything else that I had
done
before uh I read a book called
uh the artist way and it taught me
to write three pages of UNC well
conscious stream of thought every single
morning and I began to do that I began
to write and at first the writing was
quite
sad
and it was a way for me to process the
emotions and the thoughts and the
feelings which I had been avoiding
and uh it also just got me into this
mood of like creating something every
single day and it was a piece of writing
it was just me speaking vulnerably onto
paper and I found that throughout the
day I noticed I wasn't really feeling as
bad and I was actually feeling more
present I was like huh okay so that was
working really well for me and then I
went on holiday this is around
summertime and I came across um
Fabian uh he's a um spiritual teacher
he's a he's a friend of mine but he's a
spiritual teacher and he he was hosting
workshops
[Music]
and intuitively felt like yes I want to
do this this is what I want to do
um I didn't actually think that but this
is just like I was like I'm going to
throw myself into this whatever it is
and I went in with no
expectations
but uh I invested into myself into the
mentoring process and ever since then my
life completely changed
like it was like the the thing that I
needed to do in order for me to get to
to make all of the positive changes that
I needed to make it was like before all
of these changes were like like yeah I
I'll do them slowly slowly bit by
bit and like I wasn't really making
progress um not in the way that I truly
felt like I could like the potential
that I
had and uh just by investing into myself
into the
mentoring it's crazy because
um just by giving into by investing into
yourself you're already telling yourself
that you want to shift like why would
you invest into it and then not shift
like logically but from a
more
uh energetic standpoint like I my energy
completely shifted as soon as I as I as
I as I um invested into it
so I let go of
drinking
um I completely changed everything about
my day-to-day life I um started posting
YouTube uh
videos and at first it was really
frightening
um like I'd post and
then like my body would be overcome by
fear and I didn't know what to do with
it I was trying to figure out how do I
actually like work through fear like
what like what even is that um like how
do I work through
it and um yeah it was just like breathe
just
breathe and uh I did that
I I began to learn how to breathe
through my
fears so now I'm at a point where I
notice the fear arising in certain
situations and I just invite it I don't
even
um I don't even just allow it I actually
invite it inwards and I want to
understand it so I just I'm like okay I
feel I feel like this right now and I
put my hand wherever feels intuitively
right it might be my heart cuz my heart
feels like it's racing or it might feel
my stomach because my stomach feels
tense cuz I'm not breathing
properly and I just
breathe all the way out and all the way
in with this deeper knowing that like it
will
pass this feeling will pass this feeling
is
temporary
and the confidence that that has given
me
is
groundbreaking uh I am now a completely
different person than what I was
before
truthfully my life has completely
changed um I've replaced a lot of low
vibrational things
for
um yeah more aligned things things which
are actually truly meant for me uh and
it all came from me investing into
myself in that on that day it was
yeah very
pivotal now I'm just at a point
where I now have dreams and I wake up
every day and I'm excited to be alive
I I never felt like that before I always
felt like
um sort of like a dread or like a
feeling of like
oh I wake up and I'd sort of feel a
little bit like
oh um unknowing it's like it was like an
unknowing depression like an undiagnosed
sort of like
sadness which um just came from me
always saying yes to other people would
no to
myself and as I began to say yes to
myself I began to just cultivate a
frequency by choosing the right things
uh asking myself better questions like
obviously I want to go out drinking but
if I ask myself the question of do I
want to feel fresh tomorrow to wake up
and go for a
run and uh meditate and and journal and
create a video obviously that is like
way better cuz when I when I say no to
that thing that little temporary thing
and I say yes to the things that
actually make me feel
fulfilled the day after I do
that game
changer that is addictive it's um it's
within me I think it's like a
predisposition of having ADHD to become
addicted to things and um I've become
addicted to the momentum that I have
built kind of want to let go of it um I
just want to keep
pushing and every single day I learn
something new and I recognize also that
growth is not linear it's not like this
it's like it's like that so I have off
days I have off periods I um I sometimes
feel like I'm taking steps backwards and
I know that it's all just part of the
process you have to break down the
muscle in order to re build
it I am exercising my emotional
intelligence by uh expressing myself
vulnerably every single day I am
changing my mind about things I am
understanding things more and more and
more and um emotional intelligence isn't
something you just have one day it's
like a it's like going to the gym it's
like having
muscles um if you stop going to the gym
then you're going to lose
eventually
um so yeah I'm sort of just I'm so
focused on my health now in not in an
obsessive way but yeah kind of in an
obsessive way but not in in an unhealthy
obsessive way in a sort of like I
realized that it's the most important
thing to me because I realized that if I
change my inner
World um and
I change how I act externally my whole
reality will change I'll begin to
attract the right opportunities uh I I
will turn into the type of person who
has a successful career who has a
healthy relationships who is of service
to people and who wakes up every day and
feels happy to be
alive which is ultimately the goal
right and um yeah I want to talk about
this actually this is what I wanted to
talk about took me 18 minutes to
realize
um I realized yesterday that my whole
life I was living through other
people I might just crop the rest of the
stuff out just post
this um I realized my whole life I was
living through other people I was
uh I was living
through uh my parents and then I was
living through my school and then I was
living through my relationships and then
I was living through my through my
friendships and it's a it's a natural
process I'm not saying that it was bad
but as I became an adult I was still
living through them and now that I've
shifted and I literally just say no to
people all the time like no sorry I
can't do that no like and I just say yes
to to myself I prioritize my energy and
how and what I want to do and I make
that the main
focus I noticed that like I just this is
my life now like I actually choose what
I get to do and it's based off my
feelings it's not based off the ideas of
other people so it's like intuitively I
want to post videos on YouTube I want to
improve my communication I want to grow
emotionally and spiritually
and physically as well by doing exercise
but these are the most important things
to
me at this point in my life they
are I'm so grateful for
um for this I noticed that everything
that good that is good uh in my life
it's not because of me my ego uh will
sometimes uh think that it's because of
me um but truthfully God has always been
there uh I just haded to I just had to
take steps towards
it yeah him she
yeah when you take steps towards um
towards God God takes two steps towards
you it's
like
yeah it's
beautiful and um I'm so grateful for it
cuz it's completely changed my
life yeah
okay I'm going to leave it there for
today I'll
um yeah thank you
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