Female Arousal, Desire and Orgasmic Pleasure, new interview with intimacy coach Susan Bratton
Summary
TLDRThe transcript discusses the nuances of sexual relationships, emphasizing the importance of understanding and addressing the differences in male and female arousal. It highlights the need for patience, communication, and emotional connection in sexual encounters, and introduces the concept of a 'sex life bucket list' to encourage exploration and variety in couples' intimate experiences. The conversation also touches on the impact of social media and platforms like OnlyFans on modern sexual dynamics, and the嘉宾 offers advice on fostering healthy and satisfying sexual relationships.
Takeaways
- 📚 Understanding the differences in male and female arousal is crucial for successful sexual relationships.
- 💡 Women often require a slower build-up of arousal compared to men, necessitating more time for foreplay and emotional connection.
- 🌟 The importance of communication in sexual relationships cannot be overstated; partners should feel comfortable expressing their desires and boundaries.
- 🛌 Good grooming and hygiene are highly valued by women and contribute significantly to the sexual experience.
- 💖 Emotional connection is a top priority for women, sometimes even more so than the sexual techniques themselves.
- 🔍 Men and women are different in their sexual responses and desires, and understanding these differences is key to mutual satisfaction.
- 🤝 The 'sex life bucket list' is a tool that can help couples explore new experiences and keep their sexual relationship exciting and evolving.
- 🌈 Expanding the range of sexual experiences through experimentation and adventure can enhance the pleasure and connection between partners.
- 🚫 The misuse of social media and platforms like OnlyFans can contribute to feelings of isolation and disconnection in some individuals.
- 💌 Self-confidence and self-love, derived from kindness, respect, and integrity, are attractive qualities that can improve one's sexual relationships and overall well-being.
Q & A
What is the main topic of discussion between Cliff and Susan?
-The main topic of discussion is women's libido, desire, and arousal, and how men can be successful in making love to their partners by understanding female perspective and creating a mutual alignment.
How does Susan describe the difference between sexually responsive and spontaneously sexual people?
-Sexually responsive people, typically women, are open to and want to have sex but may need certain conditions met and a process of seduction to become fully aroused. Spontaneously sexual people, often men, are ready and willing to engage in sexual activity at any time without needing additional conditions or seduction.
What does Susan emphasize as important for men to understand about female arousal?
-Susan emphasizes that women generally require more time to become fully aroused compared to men, and that they need to feel safe, comfortable, and appreciated to facilitate the arousal process. Understanding and practicing good communication and emotional connection are also crucial.
What is the significance of the 'sex life bucket list' that Susan mentions?
-The 'sex life bucket list' is a tool that Susan provides to couples, offering 48 erotic play dates or adventurous sexual experiences they can explore together. It serves as a way to enhance communication, introduce variety, and keep the sexual relationship exciting and fulfilling.
How does Susan address the issue of men feeling isolated due to the influence of social media and platforms like OnlyFans?
-Susan acknowledges that while some men may feel more isolated, others have found community and connection through these platforms. She suggests that the key is for individuals to focus on being loving, respectful, and kind, which in turn will make them more attractive and less isolated.
What advice does Susan give to men who are struggling with feelings of inadequacy in their sexual relationships?
-Susan advises men to focus on their positive qualities such as integrity, kindness, consideration, and a loving heart. She encourages them to remember that they are enough and to approach relationships with love and respect, which will make them more lovable.
What is the importance of good grooming according to Susan?
-Good grooming is important as it shows up in the top two things that women care about in a sexual relationship. Being well-groomed, including cleanliness and manscaping, can significantly enhance a woman's experience and attraction.
How does Susan suggest men approach the concept of foreplay?
-Susan suggests that men should take their time with foreplay, ensuring that the woman is fully aroused before penetration. This includes creating a comfortable and pleasurable environment, engaging in non-genital touching, and focusing on the entire body, not just the genitals.
What is the role of communication in a sexual relationship according to Susan?
-Communication plays a vital role in a sexual relationship. It allows partners to express their needs, desires, and boundaries. Susan emphasizes the importance of being open, honest, and responsive to each other's needs, creating a foundation of trust and mutual understanding.
What does Susan mean by 'climbing up the arousal ladder' for women?
-Climbing up the arousal ladder refers to the process of gradually building a woman's arousal. It involves creating a safe and comfortable environment, engaging in extended foreplay, and slowly stimulating her emotionally and physically until she is fully ready for sexual activity.
How can men demonstrate emotional connection during sex, according to Susan?
-Men can demonstrate emotional connection by being fully present during sex, showing genuine appreciation for their partner, and engaging in heart-felt communication. It's about more than just physical pleasure; it's about creating an emotional bond and shared experience.
Outlines
🗣️ Introduction and Discussion on Relationships
The paragraph begins with a friendly conversation between two individuals, catching up after a long time. They discuss the importance of teaching men how to be successful in relationships with women, focusing on making love and understanding the dynamics of attraction and connection. The speaker emphasizes the value of genuine connection and mutual understanding in relationships, and introduces the topic of women's libido, desire, and arousal as key subjects for discussion.
👥 Understanding Sexual Responsiveness and Desire
This section delves into the concepts of sexual responsiveness and spontaneous sexual desire. It highlights the differences between how men and women typically experience arousal, with men being more spontaneous and women requiring a sense of safety, comfort, and seduction. The speaker stresses the importance of taking time with women, understanding their need for a slow arousal process, and the significance of foreplay. The discussion also touches on the physiological aspects of arousal in both sexes.
💞 Building Arousal and Creating a Comfortable Environment
The paragraph focuses on the importance of creating a relaxed and comfortable environment for women to enhance arousal. It discusses the process of building arousal gradually and the need for men to understand that making a woman feel safe, adored, and appreciated is crucial for her arousal. The speaker also talks about the 'Bullseye touch technique,' emphasizing the importance of starting with non-genital touch and working towards more intimate areas. The paragraph also mentions the necessity of open communication about preferences and comfort levels.
🤝 Encouraging Communication and Presence During Intimacy
This part of the conversation emphasizes the importance of communication and presence during intimate moments. The speaker encourages men to listen to their partners' needs and desires, and to create a trusting environment where women feel comfortable expressing their requirements. The paragraph also highlights the significance of men showing their pleasure and being emotionally connected during sex, rather than being overly focused on technique or performance. The speaker suggests that this genuine connection and mutual pleasure can greatly enhance the sexual experience for both partners.
🌟 Exploring Creativity and Variety in Sexual Relationships
The speaker introduces the concept of a 'sex life bucket list,' a tool designed to encourage couples to explore new experiences and maintain variety in their sexual relationship. The list includes 48 erotic playdates, offering a range of activities for couples to try together. The paragraph discusses the importance of keeping an open mind and being willing to experiment with one's sexual preferences. The speaker also mentions the positive impact of technology on sexual exploration and the increasing acceptance of diverse sexual expressions and relationships.
🌐 Impact of Social Media and Technology on Sexuality
The conversation turns to the impact of social media and technology on sexual experiences and relationships. The speaker discusses the phenomenon of OnlyFans and how it has provided a platform for people to connect and explore their sexuality in a safe and controlled environment. The paragraph also addresses the concern that technology may contribute to feelings of isolation for some individuals, but counters this by highlighting the potential for increased connection and community through such platforms. The speaker advocates for a balanced view, recognizing both the positive and negative aspects of these technological advancements.
💬 Final Thoughts and Resources for Enhancing Sexual Relationships
In the concluding paragraph, the speaker shares final thoughts on the importance of self-confidence, kindness, and genuine connection in building and maintaining sexual relationships. They offer reassurance that everyone has unique qualities to offer and encourages individuals to focus on their positive attributes. The speaker also promotes their email newsletter as a resource for learning more about sexual techniques, communication skills, and relationship advice, and invites listeners to engage with them for further support and guidance.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Libido
💡Foreplay
💡Sexual Response
💡Emotional Connection
💡Communication
💡Grooming
💡Sex Life Bucket List
💡Polyamory
💡Sex Tech
💡OnlyFans
💡Isolation
Highlights
The importance of understanding female arousal in comparison to male arousal for successful sexual relationships.
The concept of 'sexually responsive' versus 'spontaneously sexual' people and how this relates to typical male and female sexual behaviors.
The need for men to practice patience and engage in foreplay to allow women the time to become fully aroused.
The physiological differences between male and female arousal, including the amount of erectile tissue and the time required for arousal.
The importance of creating a safe and comfortable environment for women to enhance their sexual experience.
The 'Bullseye touch technique' and the significance of starting with non-genital touch to build arousal.
The necessity of open communication during sex, with men actively listening to and adjusting to women's needs and desires.
The role of emotional connection and good grooming in sexual relationships.
The impact of societal changes, such as social media and platforms like OnlyFans, on sexual relationships and perceptions.
The advice for men to focus on presence and connection during sex rather than solely on technique.
The 'Sex Life Bucket List' as a tool for couples to explore and diversify their sexual experiences.
The benefits of sexual exploration and experimentation throughout one's life for both physical and mental health.
The significance of self-confidence and self-love in sexual attractiveness and success.
The role of technology in improving sexual health through advancements like comprehensive STI testing kits.
The evolving landscape of sexual relationships, including the rise of polyamory and non-traditional relationship structures.
The advice for individuals feeling isolated or inadequate to focus on their positive qualities and the importance of self-love.
Transcripts
hi Cliff hi there long time no see it's
been a while Susan it's good to see you
again you're still kicking around that's
good teaching men how to how to make
love to women huh well it's more trying
to have them be successful with women
you're the one that I think helps more
with the Making Love part that's true
that's true we're a good combo aren't we
yeah I've probably known you for a
couple of decades now man it's crazy how
time goes by you know it's just I know
scary it's really scary you know when I
think back on uh how many years have
just sort of flown by it's just
unbelievable but in any event I'm glad
to see you again and uh I'm sure you
have some interesting new things to
share with us and um always I guess uh
maybe you can start off again by just
introducing yourself and uh then telling
us a little bit about what you'd like to
talk about this evening sure well we had
decided that what we wanted to talk
about was
women's libido desire and arousal female
arousal as it compares to male
arousal um mostly just so that guys have
a much better sense of things they can
do to ha to to be
successful in making love to their woman
what can they do what do they need to
know what's their perspective versus a
woman's
perspective how can they get in her
world
and um have her really feel like she's
met and understood by him and she feels
safe with him and um that they feel in
mutual alignment because as you know
Cliff it's very
nerve-wracking dating is very
nerve-wracking sex is very
nerve-wracking you know it's it's
fraught with a lot of worry and fear and
so the more that you can show up as the
man who's comfortable in his own skin
and
who understands how to be with a woman
the better off everybody
does well listen this is a very valuable
information for guys who uh you know
don't I think often get the opportunity
to hear a woman talk about these things
and and um I guess be as candid as you
are about them yeah well I always like
to be a straight talker
because people just want you to tell
them the information that they need and
there is a lot of misinformation online
there's a lot of people doing
information Cascade which is well they
said it and they said it and they said
it so that must be it so that's what I'm
going to say and over the last few
decades that I've been teaching people
how to be good lovers be a better
lover I've really tried to stay close to
my own original information and content
as well as taken all of the information
from medical texts and new clinical data
things we're learning from work neuros
seexual neuroscience and MRI
machines um things that I've taken up
out of the you know pickup an attraction
World um the things that I hear from
feminist women about what their needs
are others
experts I'm constantly pulling in
information to feed my understanding of
what it takes for generally although now
Cliff everything is pretty much across
the gender Spectrum my area of expertise
is a man and a woman and hot sex and
that really is a combination
of understanding how we're the same and
different and having good technically
proficient sexual skills and also being
a good bedroom Communicator
because it takes quite a bit
of
just
practice to be a good bedroom
communicator and go ahead did you want
to say something well I'm just curious
like you know uh where do you start with
guys typically when when you meet
someone uh to sort of take them through
you know what you have to teach them
well let's start with you have a
prospect and you want to go to bed with
them and you've never gone to bed with
them before so I think it's always good
to start with
that for your world for the for the men
that follow you and get your advice on
Cliff's list and for that here's where
I'd start I'd explain the difference
between her female body and your male
body not just you have a penis and she
has a vagina but more about
how there's a there's a fairly new
terminology that I really like this
notion that there are people who are
sexually
responsive and there are other people
who are more spontaneously
sexual
spontaneously sexual people are horny
they're ready to go they'd like to have
sex anytime or you know most times um
and that is often how you would describe
a guy a healthy guy but people who are
responsively have responsive desire
these are people who like sex want to
have sex are open to it but they're not
quite there yet they're not ready to go
they're not like down to go they're more
of the responsive person and that is
more typically the female she's just
like sometimes she's ready to go
especially early on in a relation
relationship but sometimes she needs to
be safe and comfortable and have some
conditions met and
[Music]
um help climbing up her arousal
ladder and she wants and needs some
seduction with
Integrity not just
trickery um she doesn't want to be a one
night stand or you know anything like
that she really wants to be she wants to
have something that's more meaningful
heart connected
based in friendship and appreciation
Mutual um Mutual turn on
Etc so a guy if he's healthy you know he
has nighttime erections he wakes up with
a morning erection he's horny he's ready
to go and he's really ready for
penetration quite quickly he gets an
erection and he could have intercourse
but women they're not really like that
they're much more slow to become aroused
typically now now in new relationship
energy sometimes you can bypass that and
she's ready to go but generally it's
better to take your time with a woman
and that's why there's this notion of
foreplay and sex the thing is that when
you think about sex like there's
foreplay and
intercourse what often happens is that
you're rushing to
intercourse and that can be too fast for
the typical woman she wants to be held
she wants to know you think she's
beautiful and that she smells good and
that she's tastes good and that you like
kissing her and that she's pretty to you
and sexy to you and that you know things
are safe you're going to use protection
if if she needs it you you you had STI
tests done before you had sex you know
whatever your conditions are for safe de
those need to be met
um and then she needs a fairly slow
arousal ramp she doesn't get an instant
erection like guys do she gets a slow
erection where it takes a guy maybe two
or three minutes to get an erection it
takes a woman 20 or 30 minutes to become
fully erect because women have the same
amount of erectile tissue in their vulva
and vagina in their genitals as their
male-bodied Partners do in his penis and
his penis
if you think about the T you know if you
think about your penis sticking out of
your body that's about half of it the
other half goes in and down towards your
testicles so it's twice as big as what
you see is the erectile tissue in your
penis if I took that out and I laid it
in my hand it would all that erectile
tissue would cover my hand it's exactly
the same for a woman's body it's in
three chambers in your penis it's in
three chambers in her vva but the
chambers are small and funny little
shapes and it takes a while for the
blood to seep in to those erectile
tissue systems to fill up so that she
gets basically her lady
boner and for you you've got three
straight tubes that fill up very easily
and very quickly so she needs more time
to get fully
aroused and a lot of times women are
used to being penetrated so quickly that
they don't even know about full arousal
they may have never even gotten there or
they did with that one special guy who
somehow she was so turned on or she was
you know ready or he took the time to
get her there that that was the best sex
of her
life and the thing is that if you
penetrate a woman before she's
ready then she basically doesn't have
that engorgement that erectile function
and so the tissue is small and it has
less surface area but if you wait and
you really pleasure her whole body so
that there's time for her to
relax because for a lot of guys what
they're ready to do is they're like I
want to push some buttons I want to turn
some knobs and I want to get her turned
on and the thing is what they don't
understand is
that relaxing her is the beginning of
her arousal process making her feel safe
adored appreciated comfortable that's
what'll allow her to climb that that
arous the ladder that's what allows the
blood to seep in and create more tessen
in her genital system which creates more
surface area which sends way more
signals of pleasure to her brain it's
like the difference between how good it
feels to be pleasured when you're erect
or flaccid it's the same for her but she
may not even know that so it's great
when a guy understands and he takes his
time the other thing that I think is
important to know is that a woman likes
to be touched from the outside in if you
think about a bull's eye she really
wants her hair to be stroked her cheeks
to be kissed her body to be touched her
chest to be
pleasured not just going directly for
her genitals a guy would be perfectly
happy for her to put his manhood right
in her hand immediately he would like
that it would actually be comforting for
him grounding would be a turn on but for
her that's too fast for most women there
are always
outliers on the bell curve of sexuality
what I'm really talking about are most
human beings and what they generally
like you know it's always a your mileage
will vary the other important piece to
think about in this Bullseye touch
technique is that instead of going
straight for the center her genitals
you're working from the outside in
you're touching her
extremities rubbing her back squeezing
her bun stroking her belly her shoulders
her neck kissing her
eyelids rather than just sticking your
lips on hers and sticking your tongue in
her mouth you know it's it's a it's a
working your way in and her lips and her
breasts are the three-legged stool with
her genitals of her arousal system so
that's why kissing and breast pleasuring
are as important as manual and oral
stimulation using toys before
penetration and I think that also it's
really good to have had things like the
safe sex talk and do you like lube and
what do you like and how do you feel
today are you more of a lionist or a
kitty cat what are you in the mood for
how how do you like the lighting what
what temperature feels good to you oh
I've got a big stack of soft towels what
music are you in the mood for I've got a
picture of Water by the bed when you set
what I call the lover space and you
really create this environment for her
complete relaxation when she knows that
she's safe in your arms and when you
really are truly appreciative of the
opportunity to make love with her she is
so much more responsive and able to
relax to begin that arousal process and
then when you ask
her to always tell you everything say to
her I don't know what your experience
has been like with other men but I want
to let you know that I'm the kind of guy
that loves it when you tell tell me
everything anything if it's too hard too
soft you want something else if
something's scratchy if something's
bothering you if it feels good anything
Harder Faster lighter softer everything
just keep telling me as much as you can
because what I've understood about women
is you're different every day I'm not
going to do to you today what we did
last time we were together I want to
find out what your appetite is like
because every day we are different and I
want to just show up really present here
with you and enjoy and take our pleasure
together and when a woman is invited to
actually tell you what she needs and
what she desires and she does it the
very best thing you can do is say thank
you tell me more got it how's this
really acknowledging her and encouraging
her to continue to tell you what she
needs in any moment will
create essentially a level of trust in
the communication that you have with her
where she knows that you don't take it
personally when she needs something
different than she's getting that you
won't cave that you won't get butt hurt
that you won't shut down or get mad at
her but in fact that you appreciate her
for telling you how to be successful and
then when you're able
to show her your pleasure not just hold
back not just be in your head not just
try to strategize what it is that you
think she wants but instead that you're
focused on an
interplay where together the two of you
are surrendered to your pleasure
together that she knows that you're
getting as much pleasure from being with
her as she is from being with you that
actually AIDS her turn on she doesn't
want you to do her she wants you to be
with her present with her she can tell
when you
emotionally mentally kind of check out
and you get in your strategy head and
that's the time to leave all of those
things behind and just connect in your
heart and to connect your heart to your
manhood so that she can feel that inside
her that's what people are are wanting
and needing when they get that emotional
connection and another thing women want
beyond the emotional connection is good
grooming that might not seem that
important to you but women tell me their
top two things number one is grooming
number two is emotional connection so
it's not so much about the techniques
those are all great to learn but it's
about about really showing up clean
smelling your toes don't look like Shrek
you've been to the dental hygienist
there aren't a lot of ear hair eye hair
nose hair issues your your um package is
well
manscaped um these things you know your
fingernails are trimmed they're not
sharp and
scraggly those kinds of things your
sheets are clean those kinds of things
go a long way with when were're very
sensitive to that kind of thing so they
everything I've said I am imagining that
if you're a man you listen to me and you
go I knew all that she didn't tell me
anything new and yet I know that you're
not doing it you're not you don't have
that checklist you haven't done those
things you think you might have but H
have you really are you really showing
up like that are you really putting that
intention into your love making and and
uh men often overestimate their skills
because of testosterone it's not really
your fault um it's just how you're wi to
assume that you know honestly for a lot
of guys they they kind of have this
egoic protection around thinking they're
better than they are and there are many
things that if you listened to what I
just said and and really thought about
it are you doing those things could you
make yourself a checklist of those is
that how you're showing up there might
be a few that you could improve and they
they they may sound fundamental but
they're very very
vital yeah no I uh I think it's very
important to be paying attention to
what's going on at the moment and um
personally I like to do a lot of teasing
in bed that's uh something that I I uh I
guess uh discovered a long time ago
usually seems to work pretty
well
um so uh I guess um you've had a lot of
experience with uh with guys how do you
find most of them react to uh to these
kind of instructions in the first place
does it take a while for them to adjust
or do they pick up on these things right
away after after you've given them some
good
coaching well I think generally first of
all um I think
generally men are very easy to teach
things to because they have this
orientation of just give me the
checklist and I'll Fring do it if this
is what if they trust me if they're like
yeah I think you know what you're
talking about um then they just want a
checklist so they can execute because
they're very goal oriented and they just
want to accomplish the goal and the goal
that they want
is I want to blow her mind I want to
give her the best orgasms she's ever had
in her life I want to be her personal
best lover men are competitive and
they're goal oriented and they're
completion oriented and so when you tell
them how to win how to be a winner how
to gain her respect they really
appreciate that now you're talking their
language and so that one piece
about presence about getting out of your
strategy mind and into your heart and
connection I would say of all the things
I said that's the place that men
struggle the most because they want to
do such a good job they can't let go and
surrender to their own pleasure because
they are so worried about giving her
pleasure yet the surrendering is
actually what would give her the most
pleasure I imagine you get some good
um uh feedback from women after uh
you've you know gotten their guys on
track yes I I think that what women need
most from me is
to help
them understand that they're different
every day that they're not that they
don't have a low libido that it's just
that it takes them time to get there
that they're with a they women have been
having
sex like men because that's all they
know they don't understand that they're
totally different so once they're like
oh that's why I'm like that it's not me
it's all of us it's such a relief for
them that they suddenly feel much more
empowered to begin to say what their
body needs in any given
moment well um that's uh very
interesting um have you had like a lot
of different reactions from guys from
this have some of them uh come up with
some either very creative twists on
these or have had trouble assimilating
some of your
advice no I don't think so I think it's
so straightforward and it makes so much
logical sense when I say it that it's
pretty easy for guys to understand one
of the things that I think
um that a lot of a lot of what I've been
doing lately that's been really helping
couples generally is something that I
call my sex life bucket
list and this is really good for people
who are just starting to date as much as
it is for people that have been together
for
decades and that's because I can teach
you the fundamental communication skills
I can teach you sex
techniques but often what people
actually want if you think about when
you're having sex you want it to be a
fun time
you want it to be an adventure in
pleasure and sometimes you end up doing
the same thing you follow this pattern
and I call it grab a boob and stick it
in you basically just are like okay well
first we're going to make out and then
you know like I'm going to rub her feet
and I'm going to tell her she's pretty
and then we're going to make out and
then I'm going to play with her boobs
and then I'm going to go down on her and
then we're going to have intercourse and
then I'm going to be done and I want a
sandwich and
and that's
okay but it's it gets
boring and people want to have many more
experiences now together they want to do
fun things and so I've come up with 48
erotic play
dates that give couples 48 ideas of
things they could do together I think I
have one right here I think I have one
of my yeah here we go one of my bucket
list right here and essentially what
this does is it's a printout it's at sex
lifebucket
list.com and it's free it's a PDF and it
comes with
a a download that you can print out at
home and the 48 ideas are on this sheet
and essentially it's kind of like a list
of really fun erotic playdates
adventurous sex experiences that you can
have together one of them the it starts
out with the 20 different kinds of
orgasms that the human body can have
there are slight differences between the
male and female body like we have what's
called a G-spot men have a ppot you have
an Aude we have an inie but basically we
have the same Parts arranged in
different order and they respond to Lots
of different pleasure they respond to
locations to be stimulated they respond
to techniques to use like Erotic
Hypnosis something you and I are both
very aware of to um things like objects
of Desire maybe you know um a new sex
toy or some fetish gear or what have you
and what's great about that is that you
can go through the list of the 48 erotic
playdates and you can mark them a b or c
a is is oh this is definitely going on
my sex life bucket list I've always
wanted to do this B is it's not for me
but if you wanted to do it I would be
down for doing it with you and C is it's
not for me right now Never Say Never
because as you become more sexually
sophisticated different things begin to
appeal to you there's definitely an
Ascension model in
sexuality and if you play it right you
can have great sex your whole life long
if you take good care of yourself
because you're sex having good sex is
actually so healthy for you it improves
your longevity and makes you a more
appealing and attractive person as you
age so the sex life bucket list gives
you a video where I walk you through all
48 because there are some you're like I
don't even know what that
is which is kind of fun to know that
there's more ahead of you and so I think
that what's really nice is when you
bring that kind of beginner's mind to
your sex life together whether it's your
first date okay well tell me what you
like tell me what's good for you
everybody's so different what are you
into right now what do you feel like
right now I could throw out a bunch of
ideas which is a really great way to do
it let me let me give you three or four
different scenarios I could give you a
Yoni massage with my um you know my my
uh sexy
lubricant um uh I could uh we could try
something like um
69 um we could have we could try some
sex positions around my house like I've
got this round chair by my fireplace we
could have sex there and then we could
have some sex in my bed you know do are
you experimental in that way what would
I've got a few toys in my toy chest um
sometimes I like to put a blindfold on a
woman and tire down a little bit and you
know do never do anything she doesn't
want you could always communicate with
me what might be fun what would you like
uh do you want to do a lingerie photo
shoot when you come over Saturday I
could have some lingerie and some sexy
heels for you and I could take pictures
of you the light could be good right by
my you know my window here um you know
once you've got the bucket list you've
got a bunch of ideas and you can run a
woman a menu of offers and see what
tickles her fancy and then know that if
she shows up it could be a totally
different thing by the she gets there to
be like oh no I don't want to do a
lingerie photo shoot now what I was
thinking we could do is you
know but um giving women lots of offers
always really helps as well because then
she can kind of pick and choose from the
things that you lay out and know that it
doesn't even need to be those things it
could be anything that she wants I think
that's a good way to have a lot of fun
with a partner as
well um I guess I'm a little curious
about what your thoughts are of the I
guess the
whole call it sexual environment today
there's been a lot of change I think out
in the in the in the world in the uh
social
uh the social lives of most people I
mean you've got something like uh
something which I think is a little more
prevalent in the US than it is up here
in Canada but uh things like only fans
have has had a major impact on on uh I
think
um I think the overall perception of of
what goes on between men and women today
and um I guess I'm curious about your
thoughts and opinions on that sure well
I think things are only getting better
sexually for
everyone um specifically I think that
people are exploring more gender
expression they're having more Partners
there are new Next Generation
Technologies in STI testing I'm the
chief advocacy officer for a company
called basis Diagnostics basis DX and
they have um a very very high and super
nice um comprehensive STI testing Home
Collection kit that you mail back you
can keep them around your house and then
you can mail it back when you want to
fast turn around on STi test and they
get it and within 48 hours you've got in
your email your STI panel results um so
I think people are learning much more
about how we use technology in that way
there are there's an explosion in sex
tech so there's so many great um toys I
think I call them tools rather than toys
that couples can use and so you can use
for solo
pleasuring um so I think that's big and
I think there's a lot of movement in the
world of monogamish and open relating
and
polyamory um so there's that whole
sphere of
possibility so I think generally
a and there's more awareness of anatomy
and the difference between the bodies
there's more um just the whole you know
bucket list and and experimentation is
much more available there's just more
conversation about our sexuality it's
still highly censored it's still hard to
talk about it but um it's getting better
and better so I think that all of those
things feed into people having more and
better sex and wanting it for longer in
their life uh not feeling like they're
going to age out of their
sexuality well I mean I'm hearing a lot
of uh sort of
uh isolation lately in terms of men are
having less sex than ever these days um
and that uh there's they're blaming a
lot of it on social media that somehow
rather despite the fact that we're more
connected it's it's keeping us more more
apart in certain ways um do you agree
with that or what what do you think
about that I think there are a lot of
people who feel
like they have to work too much they
don't make enough
money um they're not meeting
people I think there are a lot of people
who feel isolated and you asked me about
only fans and I actually think that all
of those lonely people who went found
community and connection on only fans
are a lot happier than they would be
without it I think it's a nice way for
people to get some connection and
camaraderie in a sexual way that is um
you know beneficial and further gives
them confidence with other women their
safe spaces where they can you know have
some sexuality so I actually look at
that as a as a good thing as well um I
also think
that when you're on only fans you're
dealing directly with the people who are
providing the
services and in the old Paradigm of
pornography it was the the companies
that were making the money but not the
stars and now people can make the money
directly and you can connect with the
Stars directly you don't just have to
watch them on a screen you can actually
interact with them and I think that's
very appealing to a lot of a lot of
people too more men than women obviously
because that's the the bulk of the
market so yes there are people who feel
more isolated but there are equally
people who feel less isolated because of
Technology well uh that's an interesting
twist I think um I think a lot of a lot
of people think of it in terms of uh I
guess the people who are successful with
women are are being more successful it's
like the top 1% gets you know 90% of the
uh activity and the rest of the uh of
the uh the guys are typically left
uh more or less struggling without uh
without seeing the results that the uh
the top 1% are seeing um I think that
that's probably more what people are
seeing and you know the thing is is that
only
fans yes you you're you're having more U
of A Kind of a
sexual encounter with uh your your your
host there but it's again it's a paid uh
experience it's not it's not necessarily
something that uh would have happened
without the the uh lubricant of of cash
uh so um I'm sure a lot of guys look at
it differently but uh it's certainly
become an incredible uh business
certainly they the Brilliance of the
guys behind it of of basically cutting
out the porn producer and letting the
women uh sort of deal with that
themselves is it's it's a it's a genius
business plan for
sure um and they've certainly been well
compensated I think for that
um but I think in a lot of ways a lot of
men are more isolated because of it uh
you know because women look at them more
as customers and more as someone that
you know they can get subscribing to
them and paying for for their atten ion
uh as opposed to just sort of meeting
someone in a more uh call it
oldfashioned what
Manner
um you know and I like I said it's
nothing is black and white I think
there's probably good parts good
elements to it and bad elements to it
but um I think in in I think a lot of
men have become more isolated lately
than than I seem to remember over
several years it seems to be have become
much more prevalent these days um where
do you see uh I guess uh people
connecting better these days and what
what is really something that you think
is going to make a difference in terms
of uh of maybe alleviating these these
these feelings of isolation and and uh
like desperation in a lot of
men it's such an individual experience
sure there have always been men who have
felt isolated and women who feel
isolated and the only thing that I can
say is
that we're all fragile
beings we all have well let's just maybe
say nine out of 10 because there's
sociopath in every
10 um nine out of 10 of us have and
loving hearts and have love to give and
would like to receive
love so when you're feeling oh my penis
isn't big enough because I'm not a porn
king or I don't know how to talk to
women because I have a neurod divergency
I'm an Asbergers person or what have you
or um you know I I don't feel like I
would be attractive enough or I could
have enough to
offer
remember that you always have enough and
you always are
enough because you bring a loving heart
and care and connection and attention
and
affection
and soul
support and
really when you walk out into the
world and you are
loving and respectful and kind and
considerate that comes back to
you that's the practice the practice is
getting out of your own way getting out
of the I'm not I'm not I'm not enough
I'm not enough to I have an abundance of
love and kindness and attention and
affection to
give I'm a hard worker I have have
integrity these are the things that make
you
attractive these are the things that
make you love yourself and therefore you
become
lovable so
it's being a good
man that is what we want from you no
more it's it's enough and you're
enough yes I I totally agree uh you know
every every man
uh every person has is a is a gift and
uh yeah it's a question of just sort of
I guess opening the package and seeing
what's inside sometimes you
know
um I guess that more or less seems to
cover it maybe you want to tell people a
little bit more about uh you know what
if they want to learn more about what
you have to offer them uh I don't know
if you have products coaching whatever
it is maybe you can tell them a little
bit about that now sure thank you Cliff
I have an email newsletter and that's
where I do all of my sex techniques my
communication skills and my
encouragement and
love you can sign up for it at better
lover.com and if you have any questions
for me you can reply to any email you
get from me and it personally goes into
my inbox privately and I will reply to
you sometimes it takes me a few days I'm
busy girl but um it's my joy to um
support you and give you directions
toward um the things that are of
interest to you and of course you can
always get the sex life bucket list and
see if there's some things there that
are the next steps on your journey so
thank you so much for having me Cliff
it's been great to connect with you
again I really appreciate it it's so
good to see you and I appreciate how
you're always such a thoughtful and
kind-hearted
person you're you're very kind to say
that I appreciate it I appreciate you
taking the time with me this evening and
uh I think the guys are going
get a bit of bit of a different
perspective from from a woman tonight
from from this uh discussion and uh I'm
looking forward to hearing some of their
comments me too all right thanks very
much
okay so I guess you have to turn it off
now I do I'm going
to
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