Why You Feel What You Feel _ Dr. Alan Watkins (TEDxOxford)
Summary
TLDRIn this TED Talk, the speaker explores the importance of understanding and navigating our emotional landscape for personal growth and success. Drawing from his background in medicine and neuroscience, he discusses the stages of self-awareness from infancy to adulthood, highlighting the common stagnation at the 'concrete consciousness' level. He introduces an app designed to help individuals identify and control their emotions, advocating for emotional mastery to improve health, performance, and decision-making. The talk concludes with a call to action for individuals to take charge of their emotional states and transform their lives.
Takeaways
- 🧠 The speaker is a physician and neuroscientist who has studied human beings extensively, including their physical, emotional, and social aspects.
- 👶 Children develop self-awareness in stages, starting from physical recognition to emotional and conceptual understanding.
- 🧠 The 'conceptual self' emerges around the age of three to six, where children begin to understand their identity and the rules of their universe.
- 🔄 Most people remain at the 'concrete consciousness' level, following societal rules without questioning, which can lead to a stereotypical life.
- 🌪️ A midlife crisis can trigger the 'disease of meaning,' where individuals question the rules they've been following and their life's purpose.
- 🚫 People often use anesthetics or distractions to avoid dealing with existential questions about the meaning of life.
- 🧭 Understanding and controlling one's emotions is crucial for health, well-being, and success, yet many are unaware of their emotional state.
- 🌍 An app is introduced to help individuals navigate the 'universe of emotions,' allowing them to identify and track their emotional state.
- 🌐 The app provides a map of emotions, enabling users to locate their current emotional state and explore nearby emotional 'planets'.
- 💪 Mastery over emotions involves objectifying them to gain control, which can lead to a more positive and constructive emotional state.
- 🌟 The speaker encourages everyone to reflect on their current emotional 'planet' and strive to be in the emotional state that serves them best.
Q & A
What is the main idea the speaker wants to convey in the TED Talk?
-The main idea the speaker wants to convey is the importance of understanding and controlling one's emotions for a better life, as emotions predict health, performance, well-being, and decision-making abilities.
What does the speaker suggest is the first step towards emotional control?
-The first step towards emotional control, as suggested by the speaker, is to recognize and understand one's current emotional state, often referred to as knowing 'what planet you're on' in the emotional universe.
How does the speaker describe the development of self-awareness in children?
-The speaker describes the development of self-awareness in children through various stages: physical awareness around one year old, emotional self-awareness during the 'terrible twos', the emergence of the conceptual self between three to six years old, and concrete consciousness between six to nine years old where children start learning the rules that govern concepts.
What is the 'disease of meaning' mentioned in the script?
-The 'disease of meaning' is a state of existential crisis where individuals realize that following societal rules and achieving conventional success has not led to the expected happiness and fulfillment, leading to feelings of emptiness and unrest.
Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of language in the development of the conceptual self?
-The speaker emphasizes the importance of language because it is a tool for labeling and understanding the world, which is a critical part of the development of the conceptual self in children between the ages of three to six.
What is the role of emotions according to the speaker?
-According to the speaker, emotions play a significant role in driving health, performance, well-being, fulfillment, and decision-making. They are the underlying force that determines many aspects of an individual's life.
What is the significance of the app mentioned in the script?
-The app mentioned in the script is significant as it serves as a tool to help individuals navigate the 'universe of emotions' by identifying and tracking their emotional states, aiding in self-awareness and emotional control.
Why does the speaker argue that most people remain stuck at the 'concrete consciousness' stage?
-The speaker argues that most people remain stuck at the 'concrete consciousness' stage because they follow societal rules and norms without questioning them, leading to a stereotypical life and a lack of deeper self-exploration or emotional growth.
What are the two strategies the speaker mentions to deal with the 'disease of meaning'?
-The two strategies mentioned by the speaker to deal with the 'disease of meaning' are anesthetics, which involve blotting out the existential question through substances or activities, and distraction, which includes engaging in activities that temporarily take the mind off the question of life's meaning.
How does the speaker define 'mastery' in the context of emotions?
-In the context of emotions, 'mastery' is defined by the speaker as the ability to objectify and control one's emotions, moving from being subject to them to being able to navigate and choose one's emotional state deliberately.
Outlines
👨⚕️ Introduction to Human Study and Personal Experiences
The speaker begins by expressing his pleasure in delivering a TED talk, emphasizing his lifelong study of human beings. As the youngest of four siblings, he spent his childhood observing his brothers and sisters to understand human behavior. His journey continued with medical training, which provided intimate exposure to human suffering and significant life events such as birth and death. The speaker's professional path led him from immunology to neuroscience, studying white blood cells and their role in fighting infections, to researching the social dynamics and networks within companies that determine their success or failure. He also worked with elite athletes, aiming to help them win gold medals. Throughout his experiences, he was troubled by one central question: if one could teach only one thing, what would it be?
🧒 Stages of Self-Awareness in Human Development
The speaker delves into the stages of human development, focusing on the emergence of self-awareness. He describes how children around the age of one develop a physical awareness of their existence, recognizing themselves in a mirror. The 'terrible twos' are explained as a result of children not yet understanding the separation between their emotions and those of others. By the age of three to six, children begin to form a conceptual self, realizing they have an identity and start to use language to label their universe. The speaker notes that most people remain at this stage of 'concrete consciousness,' following rules without questioning them, which can lead to a stereotypical life and a lack of self-awareness.
🔄 The Struggle for Identity and the Disease of Meaning
The speaker discusses the struggle for identity, particularly during teenage years, where the desire to break free from the 'concrete self' and societal rules often leads to conflict. He explains that many people revert to following rules set by society, leading to a life that lacks depth and can result in the 'disease of meaning,' a crisis where individuals realize that adhering to societal rules hasn't brought the expected happiness. To cope, people may use anesthetics like alcohol or distractions such as work or materialism to avoid confronting the existential question of life's purpose. The speaker emphasizes that true resolution comes from within, not through external solutions.
🌍 Navigating the Universe of Emotions
The speaker introduces an app designed to help individuals navigate the vast universe of emotions, which he suggests number around 34,000. The app maps emotions on a grid, with axes representing energy levels (high to low) and positivity (left to right). It allows users to identify their current emotional state and provides a means to track and audit their emotional journey. The speaker encourages expanding one's emotional repertoire and mastering emotions to improve overall well-being, performance, and decision-making. He envisions a world where people have control over their emotions, leading to a life of fulfillment and success.
🚀 Transforming Life Through Emotional Mastery
In the concluding paragraph, the speaker calls for a transformation in how we approach our emotional lives. He envisions a world where individuals are not at the mercy of their emotions but can choose their emotional state, leading to a life of choice and fulfillment. The speaker encourages the audience to reflect on their current emotional state and to take proactive steps towards the emotional state they desire, emphasizing that this control can lead to significant improvements in all aspects of life.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Emotional Self
💡Conceptual Self
💡Concrete Consciousness
💡Disease of Meaning
💡Emotional Repertoire
💡Objectification of Emotions
💡Victimization
💡Emotional Navigation
💡Mastery
💡Planets of Emotions
Highlights
The speaker emphasizes the profound impact of understanding emotions on personal and professional success.
A journey through the stages of human consciousness from physical awareness to emotional and conceptual selves.
The importance of language in the development of the conceptual self and its role in navigating the world.
The 'terrible twos' as a manifestation of a child's emerging emotional self.
The concept of 'concrete consciousness' and its influence on how adults perceive and follow societal rules.
The speaker discusses the common regression to 'concrete' thinking in adults, leading to stereotypical behaviors.
The 'disease of meaning' as a midlife crisis that challenges the fulfillment of following societal rules.
Strategies to cope with the existential question of life's meaning, including anesthetics and distractions.
The speaker argues that true fulfillment comes from understanding and controlling one's emotions, not external solutions.
Emotions are described as energy in motion, and the importance of recognizing them as internal experiences.
The concept of moving from a victim position to ownership by understanding that one's emotions are self-generated.
An introduction to an app designed to help individuals navigate the vast universe of emotions.
The app allows users to track their emotional state and provides a tool for emotional mastery.
The speaker encourages expanding one's emotional repertoire to access a wider range of emotional experiences.
The potential for emotional control to transform individual lives and societal interactions.
A call to action for individuals to question their current emotional state and strive for the emotional state they desire.
The speaker concludes with a vision of a world where emotional mastery is the norm, leading to improved well-being and decision-making.
Transcripts
[Music]
so good afternoon it's a real pleasure
to do another TED talk and today I'm
going to talk to you about you and share
with you hopefully an idea that's really
made a massive difference in my life and
hopefully could make a massive
difference in your life too now I spent
my life really studying human beings so
when I was a kid I was the youngest of
four so I spent a lot of time just
watching my brothers and sisters and
seeing the mess and the challenge that
they got into and trying to clock how I
avoided that and then I had the great
fortune of training as a physician and
some of you may know that medical
training is the most incredible
opportunity because you get up close and
personal with human suffering on every
single level on a daily basis and I've
been in the room where people have died
all right in front of me and it's a
really profound moment I've also been in
the room where life has come into the
world I've delivered a number of
children including three of my own four
boys one of whom is at the back hi sir
so medical training a fantastic
experience I became a researcher
initially an immunologist and studied
right down to the nano detail of how our
white blood cells roll along the inside
of our blood vessels and with really
clever adhesion molecules stick and kind
of squeeze out between the endothelial
cells and fight infection more recently
as a neuroscientist so write down a nano
level and also at a much bigger scale
I've had the good fortune of working
with CEOs and leaders around the world
in some of our biggest companies and
multinationals looking at the hidden
social dynamics and the networks that
exists that determine whether a company
succeeds will fail as you heard I've
worked with elite athletes helping them
to win gold medals you know read a lot
learnt a lot and through all that time
one question kept bothering me eating
away at my brain and that question was
if you could teach yourself your
children or anybody one thing what would
it be what would that one thing be
you're only allowed to teach one things
of all the things I've learned and
understood and it's not that I want to
share with you today what is that one
thing I can tell you it's not eat an
apple that's not what is okay so we're
going to talk about that but before I
want to return just to really the story
of you now I don't know whether you
remember but there was a time before you
knew you existed to some of you that was
probably last Friday night after a
skinful but as we all grow up there's a
moment in our life and this is a really
beautiful moment if you witness it where
you can see about one year-old it might
happen a bit sooner a bit later but
roughly about one year old were a child
realizes they exist as a physical entity
it's that moment where they look in the
mirror and they kind of go oh that's me
and they move their hand and that hand
moves and they realize that that's them
so they have a physical awareness if you
will but they haven't yet developed an
awareness of their own emotional self
which is why you get the terrible twos
so when a two-year-old is hungry the
world is hungry and why are we eating
so there's that kind of intensity that
egocentricity in a two-year-old and so
that's why they kind of get pester power
you know so in the supermarket it's mom
dad dad meat meat dude fruit meat now
meat food and they kind of bother you to
a great extent and then it again it's
witness of all this moment where they
suddenly realize that not only they
physically separate from you but their
emotions are not your emotions and you
may have witnessed this with a child
walking down the aisle in the
supermarket
streaming red bawling in frustration and
rage that they can't get what they want
and then looking at you completely
baffled like why are you crying we're
hungry we want those chocolates and
there's that sort of Battlement in their
eyes that sort of thousand-yard stare
and that's the emergence of the
awareness of the emotional self separate
from from the parent or the caregiver so
that's the sort of second level of but
it's not until they get to sort of three
to six years old that they get in
something called the conceptual self and
part of that emergence for conceptual
self is a sense of identity so it's what
you would know as consciousness is they
start to become aware not only that
they're physically emotionally separate
but they're that they've got an identity
and it sort of blossoms between three
and six years old and one of the things
that happens in the emergence of the
conceptual self is language so language
is essentially a concept it's a noise to
represent something so the emerges the
conceptual self happens and we start to
label our universe in a CatDog
bat-ball window floor and so on and so
the world starts to make sense and we
start to be able to navigate and
children between the age of 3 and 6 use
about you learn about six new words
every single day so there's this
phenomenal language acquisition that
goes on but it's not until they get to
the fourth level which is called
concrete consciousness that they start
to learn the rules that govern the
concepts so that's when it all starts to
make sense why is a dog a dog and a cat
a cat why is a mummy a mummy in a daddy
or daddy what's the rule and it's in
that between sort of six and nine years
old that the fun starts to happen so if
you speak to a seven-year-old you can
start to have fun by playing against the
rules you know look at that cat going
woof woof
no cats go meow they don't know woof
woof all right and it makes them laugh
because you're basically playing against
the wall so there's this whole rule
emergence that occurs in a child between
six and nine and then that's where most
people stay so most of the people you're
gonna meet in your life twenty thirty
forty on the inside nine see this in
companies all the time
toys out of the pram behaving like
children it's very common now there is
an attempt usually in the early teenage
years to get beyond that concrete self
to get beyond the rules which is why you
get teenage conflict you know you'll see
it and parents try to suppress this like
it's a bad thing it's a developmental
stage you shouldn't be suppressing this
stuff they're testing the rules so
there's this battle ensues you told me
to be home at ten I want to be home at
11 you told me to be honest you're not
being on it and the whole kind of fight
breaks out and they have the whole
turbulent teenage years and now
regardless of who wins that battle
whether it's mom or dad or the child it
sort of bubbles along for a few years
now eventually regardless of who wins
the battle they leave home hopefully
[Applause]
they'd go right so reverse but then a
much bigger parent called society comes
in and imposes its rules so a lot of
people go back into the concrete and
they're not in the transversal anywhere
they're back in the concrete following a
set of rules so we start to believe that
we've got to get a degree we've got to
get a job we've got to get a
relationship we've got to get a car
we've got to get a house
we've got to get all these things to be
a good corporate citizen so we start to
follow the rules and we enter a company
and we start to work our way up the
career ladder following the rules and so
a lot of people you'll encounter are
back in that concrete their life becomes
stereotypical and you'll see people talk
about this no though that's not how we
do things at this company you be the
chief executive I'll be the chief
financial officer that's how we do it
round here it's a set of rules that
we're all following and we're often not
even aware of those rules and that will
often happen for the rest of your life
you don't even realize you're running
the rules and by the way the rules that
weren't given to you with your
permission they were just imposed by
parents or society we're not even aware
of it if you're lucky you have a crisis
at some point in your life something
terrible happens to get you to question
the rules I remember most people this
never happens to or if it does it
doesn't cause them to question so that
might be the the loss of a loved one the
loss of a relationship or something
terrible happens usually most commonly
in midlife and it you entered a stage
what we call the disease of meaning is
it starts to occur to you that there's
something wrong with the picture of your
life I've been following all these rules
and it hasn't delivered I thought if I
was a good corporate citizen and I got a
good job in a good Harrison paid tax and
all of that stuff I would be happy and
blissful forever I'm not that's the
disease of meaning and that is real pain
if fans in a religious context people
call it purgatory I mean literally is
hell on earth so people get into this
state and often they lash out and they
become unpleasant and negative and so on
because they're basically in pain now
there are two strategies to that pain
first strategy much loved by students
anesthetic
because if I can blot out the meaning of
life that kind of existential question
if I'm wasted on a Friday night I don't
have to think about that question about
what's the meaning of all this it just
goes away as a question so then some
people do this every night some people
do it every weekend getting wasted
either through alcohol and drugs but the
problem is when the hangover wears off
for question returns it's still there
and you can't answer it so if you're
smart you realize anesthetics won't help
you so you get into the second strategy
which is distraction there are lots of
different types of distraction now that
distraction can simply you become a gym
bunny right let's pump some iron
you know because well I'm feeling the
burn I don't have to think about the
question so I've become the body
beautiful alright stop at the gym the
whole time you know getting the kick on
the endorphins and so on so but you
realize that actually when you get away
from the gym the questions there again
so the gym doesn't solve it so you might
use a very common strategy sex right
because while I'm engaged in the
intimacy of the sexual union I don't
have to think about the question because
I'm too busy doing this
but you may have noticed that when they
act is over that bloody question comes
back again right so some people go even
more nuts have sex with two people then
a whole crowd desperately trying to get
away from this question that's bothering
them
the meaning of their life so if sex
doesn't work and it doesn't ultimately
then you get into materialism shoes are
going buy some shoes right or a car or a
house or a yacht so we get into
materialism or some people that we see
very common in industry workaholism
they've become work addicted because
while I'm working that hard having to do
stuff I don't have to think about the
question now none of that solves the
problem because we mistakenly believe
that the problem is out there and the
solution is out there whereas the real
problem is in here you cannot solve your
sense of emptiness or your unrest with
an external solution outside of yourself
so stop looking out there you have to
look in here and particularly to look at
your own emotional experience
now most people go through their life
completely unaware of emotions
particulars fellows right somebody
mentions the word emotions we run for
the hills
okay now emotions are just energy in
motion they're composite biological
signals the signal is made up of all the
the pounding heart rate the sweaty palms
the tension the muscles or whatever is
going on biologically it's stereotypical
energetic patterns energy in motion they
are emotions now we all have emotions
every single second of every single day
even as fellows feelings however some
something entirely different feelings
are the awareness in our mind of the
energy so the energy is always there
that we don't necessarily feel it and
that's where we're stuck is we haven't
really learned to understand their own
emotional life so we go through our life
believing how we're feeling on a
moment-by-moment basis it's down to
somebody else so we'll actually say this
you know you you annoyed me you made me
unhappy you did it to me and we point
the finger other people believing other
people the cause our own unhappiness so
newsflash nobody is doing it to you
nobody's making you feel these things I
mean what do you think that happens when
you get frustrated with somebody else
did they come up to you it and inject
you with frustration with the chemicals
of frustration did they create the
electrical signals of frustration the
pressure waves the sound waves and so no
you did that you created that inside
yourself in response to their poor
behavior so if you can accept that
you're doing it it's not them it's you
now that simple truth takes you from
what we call of a victim position and it
crosses the threshold to ownership
that's the most important transition
you'll ever make in your life so to help
you navigate that first and foremost you
have to understand where am I in the
universe of emotions now if I asked you
to write down what emotion you're
experiencing right now and gave you five
minutes you'd write a list of things and
then we said okay put your hands up
who's got how many and we did a sort of
test of how many you got the aboriginal
room like this would be about ten or
twelve there are thirty four thousand
emotions that you can experience most
people go through their life for ten or
twelve and just to try and help you
navigate just want to show you an app
that we've built to help people know
where they are in the universe of
emotions so we've plotted all these
emotions on a map and this map shows you
the axes so to the top of the axis in
the universe of emotions we've got the
ones that are sort of more energy if you
like and to the bottom the ones that are
more relaxed and to the left the ones
that are more positive and to the right
the ones that are more negative so you
can see that we've plotted maybe the
twenty communist emotions there and
right now as I'm talking to you right
now you're somewhere on this grid you're
somewhere in the universe experiencing
one of these planets and we can bring in
the next you know hundred emotions we
can bring in the next 200 emotions the
next thousand so we've built this app to
try and crowdsource with you all 34,000
so we've built it with just two thousand
as a starter and you can enter into the
one of the 64 galaxies that exists and
start to navigate round and see where
you are
see you where you are in relation to
some of the other emotions because if
you don't know where you are you're lost
now you'll never get control of your own
state and it's really important not only
for your health for your well-being for
your success or whatever you're doing
whether you're a sports person or
business leader that you can start to
control your own emotional state of
what's going on for you now if you don't
know where you are how can you possibly
control any of this stuff and the answer
is you can't so the star the journey is
even knowing which planet are you on
and this is designed to help you and you
can see in the top corner there it shows
you roughly where you are in the
universe at any point in time now we can
zoom in into one of these 64 galaxies
and look at a specific solar system so
we're going to go into maybe sociable we
can see so let's zoom in to the solar
system is sociable and start to see what
planets are around you so if you want to
move from sociable to someone else and
then gradually navigate yourself to a
different part of the universe you can
see where you are now most importantly
you can track where you are so you can
enter some notes you visit the planet of
I don't know popular you know I felt
popular today you know people came up
and gave me the various message and I
felt popular and you could enter you
know how popular you felt or you didn't
feel and actually keep an audit trail
and you can socialize this with your
mates you can you know either share it
on Facebook or tweet it or Gmail it and
see well who's else is in the you know
solar system of sociable or even on the
planet popular who else is out there and
I can track as it does with these audit
trails of where I've been so this is
your start point it's starting to get a
grip if do you even know which planet
you're on and which are the nearest
planets and how you can start to move
around start to get some navigational
capability within that universe so
that's the first thing is you've got to
learn navigational potential missus
designed to help you build your
emotional repertoire so you're not just
stuck with 12 emotions or and some
people frankly to you know I feel yuck
or okay it's the only two emotions
they've got
all right so you'll build a repertoire
and what you'll discover is you start to
build a repertoire some emotions are
better antidotes than others so you can
start to navigate around the second
manoeuvre once you've started to
navigate around the universe is really
once you get to a more constructive
planet there's no right and wrong to
this but is this emotion really serving
you when you get to a more constructive
planet can you stay there and that
really requires you to do a separate
maneuver
it's called mastery where you actually
take the emotion which is subject to you
it's your it's a subjective experience I
it's below the level of your real
awareness you all sort of subject to it
ie it's gone you so if you've got anger
alright if anger is going through your
system if you're on the planet of anger
it's got you you haven't got it it's got
you so the way to get control over it is
to objectify it's like on earth is anger
so you take it as a subjective
experience and you objectify and if you
can objectify it you can get a grip of
it and if you can do that with your
positive emotions then you can move
yourself over to the positive side of
the universe and stay there so you
really don't have to feel anything you
do not want to feel you know misery is
optional you don't have to feel that but
if you haven't got control if you
haven't got control then who has and the
answer is usually somebody outside of
you so I'd really encourage you if you
want to transform your life forever
because ultimately emotions will predict
your health
they'll predict your performance they'll
predict your well-being they'll predict
your sense of fulfillment they'll
determine your ability to make effective
decisions emotions drive all of that
your motivation and so on and if you
don't know anything bad them and you
haven't got control over them it's a
little bit of a lottery is life so if
you go away after today and ask yourself
one question what planet am I on and
what planet would I like to be on and
start to work to be on the planet that
you want to be on rather than wherever
life has pushed you imagine a world
where all of us could be on the planet
we wanted to be off
or navigate around that kind of solar
system well the galaxies that we wanted
to experience imagine a world where you
know when you go to the bar to chat up
that attractive person at the bar
you didn't need four pints of Dutch
courage before you could go there right
imagine you could just do that yourself
imagine a world where you didn't knew
need to feel anxious going into an exam
or a job interview where you didn't need
to feel terrified coming onstage imagine
a world where your children on the
receiving end of bullying didn't feel
terrified or bullied if you could
control your emotions you can change
your life completely so I'd really
encourage you to start wondering about
what planet you're on and start putting
yourself in the universe and that part
of the universe where you really want to
live your life thank you very much
you
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