The Definitive Guide To Overcome Limerence and Conquer The Devouring Mother

Summary

This video delves into 'Liancé', a term for love addiction, exploring its intense infatuation and spiritual connection that can quickly turn into obsession and anxiety. The speaker discusses the roots of toxic relationships and codependency, often stemming from unresolved parental complexes and enmeshment. The solution involves individuation from parents, self-worth development, and creating a fulfilling life to overcome the addictive cycle of seeking external validation and love.

Takeaways

• 📚 The term 'Liancé' was coined by D.T. in the 1970s to describe a state of love addiction, characterized by intense infatuation and a sense of spiritual connection with another person.
• 💞 People experiencing Liancé often report feeling completely enmeshed with their partner, as if they share the same essence and can anticipate each other's thoughts and feelings.
• 🔮 Some individuals describe experiencing psychic phenomena, such as sensing their partner's presence or smell, even when physically apart.
• 🌑 However, the highs of Liancé can quickly turn into anxiety, obsession, and a cycle of breakups and reconciliations, often leading to a devastating end and deep depression.
• 🤯 Liancé can be so powerful that it can lead to a loss of motivation to live and a constant replay of 'what if' scenarios in one's mind, indicative of a masochistic tendency.
• 👥 The phenomenon of Liancé is often associated with unresolved mother or father complexes, which can lead to toxic and codependent relationship patterns.
• 🧐 Codependency involves an external sense of self-worth and experiences with overbearing or 'devouring' parents, leading to a lack of individual identity and personal boundaries.
• 🦁 Individuals with codependent tendencies may adopt a facade of self-sufficiency, but this often masks a deep-seated need for validation and a fear of being seen as they truly are.
• 🔄 The script received from parents, which dictates how one should live, can lead to a cycle of suppressing one's authentic self and adopting values that cause feelings of shame and inadequacy.
• 🌐 The solution to overcoming Liancé involves accepting reality, individuating from one's parents, and developing one's own qualities and potential to create a fulfilling life.
• 💡 Understanding and addressing the projections made onto the Liancé object, and taking responsibility for one's part in the dynamic, is crucial for personal growth and healthier relationships.

Q & A

What is 'Liancé' and when was the term coined?

Liancé, meaning love addiction, was coined by D.T. in the 1970s. It describes a state of being completely infatuated with someone, feeling like you've met your soulmate, and experiencing a spiritual connection.

What are the characteristics of experiencing 'Liancé'?

During 'Liancé', individuals feel in mesh with the other person, anticipate their thoughts and feelings, and may even sense their presence or smell from a distance. It feels magical but can turn dark with anxiety and obsession.

How does 'Liancé' affect relationships?

Relationships under the influence of 'Liancé' tend to be compulsive, with cycles of breaking up and reconciling. It often leads to a soul-crushing breakup and depression, leaving individuals feeling a part of themselves is gone.

What is the role of the mother and father complex in 'Liancé' and toxic relationships?

Unresolved mother and father complexes condition the anima and animus, leading to identification with the poor puer or puella eternos. This complex acts as a script for how one should live, affecting relationship patterns and contributing to codependency.

What is 'Codependency' and how does it relate to 'Liancé'?

Codependency is a spectrum where individuals have an external sense of self-worth and often experience devouring parents. It's linked to 'Liancé' as both involve an external validation for self-worth and a lack of individuation.

What are the signs of having devouring parents?

Signs include a lack of boundaries, being treated as an extension of the parents, and being made responsible for their well-being. This can lead to people-pleasing behaviors, a lack of personal boundaries, and an external sense of self-worth.

How does the external sense of self-worth contribute to 'Liancé'?

An external sense of self-worth leads individuals to seek validation and a sense of purpose from others, often projecting their unfulfilled needs onto a romantic partner, which can result in 'Liancé'.

What is the role of individuation in overcoming 'Liancé'?

Individuation is crucial for overcoming 'Liancé' as it involves breaking free from parental complexes, making one's own decisions, and developing one's own identity, thus reducing the reliance on others for validation.

How does the script from parents influence our adult relationships?

The script from parents, which includes rules and guidelines about how to live, can lead to suppressing one's natural personality and adopting values that create a shame-based identity, affecting how we approach relationships.

What are the steps to overcome 'Liancé' as suggested in the script?

The steps include individuating from parents, understanding what was projected onto the 'Liancé' object and developing those qualities oneself, making practical changes to create a fulfilling life, and updating one's view on relationships and love.