Why There’s So Much Conflict at Work and What You Can Do to Fix It | Liz Kislik | TEDxBaylorSchool

Summary

This insightful presentation explores the underlying structures of workplace conflict, challenging the misconception that people are the sole cause. The speaker, drawing from 30 years of experience, outlines five steps to address and resolve conflict effectively. These include identifying non-functional individuals, asking the right questions, aligning team goals, finding allies, and teaching new communication habits. The approach emphasizes the importance of understanding the root causes of conflict to foster better organizational and interpersonal dynamics.

Takeaways

• 😀 Conflict is often seen as an interpersonal issue, but it's just the visible part of a larger problem.
• 🔍 The belief that conflict can be resolved by simply changing people's behavior often perpetuates the problem.
• 🏗️ To resolve conflict, one must look beyond the surface and examine the underlying structures, such as company history, culture, and processes.
• 👥 The conflict between two senior executives, Amy and Bill, was not just a communication issue but stemmed from deeper departmental and functional differences.
• 🚫 It's important to first rule out if a single dysfunctional individual is the source of the conflict, such as a bully or an incompetent person.
• 🤔 Asking the right questions to the right people—those experiencing the situation firsthand—can reveal the true nature of the conflict.
• 🧠 Understanding that each person's perspective is limited by their experiences and perceptions is crucial for gaining a comprehensive view.
• 🎯 Ensuring everyone has a consistent understanding of goals, responsibilities, and decision-making processes is key to resolving conflict.
• 🤝 Finding allies at all levels of the organization can help implement necessary changes and create a critical mass for conflict resolution.
• 🛠 Teaching new habits for managing differences, such as 'lizard listening' and the 'evil-logic check,' can help individuals navigate conflict more effectively.
• 🐘 Utilizing tools like 'elephant cards' to address uncomfortable but important topics can open up communication channels and resolve underlying issues.

Q & A

What is the common misconception about conflict according to the speaker?

The speaker suggests that a common misconception is that conflict would not exist if people, who are often seen as the source of conflict, would just get themselves together and work things out.

What does the speaker emphasize as the underlying cause of conflict in organizations?

The speaker emphasizes that the underlying cause of conflict in organizations is not just interpersonal issues but deeply embedded structures, including company history, cultural norms, work processes, and procedures.

What is the first step the speaker recommends in addressing conflict?

The first step the speaker recommends is to rule out the possibility that a single dysfunctional individual, such as a bully or someone who is incompetent, is the source of the conflict.

Why does the speaker suggest interviewing people experiencing events on the ground rather than those in control?

The speaker suggests interviewing those experiencing events on the ground because they are closer to the real action and can provide a more accurate and comprehensive understanding of the situation.

What is the importance of aligning everyone's understanding of goals and responsibilities in resolving conflict?

Aligning everyone's understanding of goals and responsibilities is crucial because it prevents disagreements and conflicts that arise from misunderstandings about who has the authority and responsibility for certain decisions and actions.

Why is it necessary to find allies at all levels of the organization to implement change?

Finding allies at all levels is necessary because it ensures a critical mass of participation, which is essential for substantial change to occur and for the resolution of conflict to be effective.

What is 'lizard listening' and why is it important in managing conflict?

'Lizard listening' is a technique that encourages individuals to consider how their words may be interpreted by the emotional, 'lizard brain' of their counterpart in conflict. It helps to prevent misunderstandings and promote more positive communication.

What is the 'evil-logic check' and how does it help in understanding the behavior of others in conflict?

The 'evil-logic check' is a method where individuals are asked if they truly believe their counterpart is evil. This helps them to reconsider their perception of the other person's actions and understand that behaviors may stem from pressure, fear, or threat rather than inherent evilness.

What are 'elephant cards' and how do they facilitate communication in conflict resolution?

'Elephant cards' are a tool used to bring up important but uncomfortable topics in a conflict resolution setting. They allow individuals to put 'undiscussable' subjects on the table, promoting open and honest communication.

Why is it unrealistic to blame individuals for conflict when there are underlying structural issues?

Blaming individuals is unrealistic because they are often just the visible part of the problem, while the deeper issues lie in the organizational structures and processes that influence behavior and interactions.

What does the speaker suggest as an alternative to simplistic interpersonal solutions like communication training?

The speaker suggests that instead of simplistic solutions, it's important to excavate and understand the underlying structures contributing to the conflict, and then work on resolving the human conflict that builds on top of these structures.